the piano

The wire breaks

The window shakes

The people hurry out

The composer starts to shout

The others look on with disdain

as if the pianosist caused them pain

the pianoist has tears on her cheaks

leaving bloody little streaks

they killed her the main part

now anouther show won't start

Oooh! I like this one! My only critiques are "pianoist" isn't a word, the term should be "pianist" and "anouther" should be "another" and "cheaks" is "cheeks." I don't get the line "they killed her the main part" but it might just be me. Great poem! I can't wait to see more!

~Yoyo

You need structure, and more description perhaps. But i think it has a really good flow. And you spelled cheek wrong.

So yeah after revising this and giving it the proper structure I think it wouldbe alot better. Because to be honest I didn;t really understand what it was about.


Well good luck!


Hope that helped, although I'm not really a poetic...