Across The Dreams

The mist rose at midnight,
gathering, turning into shape.
A man could be seen.
Rowing across dreams.
The passage across life takes time.
But what is more rewarding,
than traveling from who you are
to who you can become?

The man fades into darkness,
but the impression was left.
So none would forget.
The dream still mingled in the air,
the feeling never forgotton.

This is beautiful; I absolutely love it!

But what is more rewarding,
then traveling from who you are
to who you can become?

I love that stanza...beautiful...

I agree with Skye Demon...this poem was beautiful. The ending was what really caught me and had me thinking, "WOW." I really liked this one, though.
*Sigh* Why can't I write like this?

wow, thanks for the great comments At first I really didn't think it was that great, but I liked it more and more as I read it

Niiice. I LOVE it when people write abot dreams. I've always had a fascination with them...

Few suggestions (keep in mind that I'm a bad poet critic):

The mist rose at midnight,
gathering, turning into a shape.

I would take "a" out... it seems to flow better without it.

A man could be faintly seen.

You already state that he "could be" seen, the faintly doesn't need to be there.

The man faded into darkness,

I'd go with "fades" instead of faded.

but the impression was left,

And the impression was left. Yes?

So no one would forget.

I'd go with "none" instead of "no one".

The dream still mingled in the air,

The dream still mingling on the air

The feeling is there, but your flow was a little bumpy... not too bad, but in need of just a few changes.

...hope I didn't offend, I still think it's a lovely poem...

dreami, evry1 has gotta luv this!

just 1 suggestion i can think of offhand...

But what is more rewarding,
then traveling from who you are

did u mean 'than' instead of 'then'?

oh & i agree w Tessitore when she sed u
shud try sayin 'into shape' instead of
'into a shape'... it just flows a bit better!

okay, I editied it, thanks for suggestions!

weee! That was awesome Dreami!

That was beautiful.

But what is more rewarding,
then traveling from who you are
to who you can become?

That was definitely my favorite stanza. It showed the real meaning of the whole poem.

All I can say is wow! I loved this. Short amd to the point, lots of meaning. Perfection:)

Soppy. This just dripped with immature strains of a romantic author. Of course, they're quite popular, but I don't like them. Oh well, maybe that's why I'll never be famous.

pretty and simple in its point. but while it sounds wonderful the idea/subject seems a litle used.

A bit short but you shared all that you need to in order to makes poem stand out.
Ive a read a few poems regarding dreams and I must say you this one is one of the best.
Great work and keep writing!
-Dawn

This is a really nice poem. I can see in my head all the things you are describing and I went back to read it again once I was done. I really like the way you integrated fantasy with reality in a way that is easily understood. Keep up the good work, as the old cliche goes.

ashlyn