Audition
Two men sit next to a table downstage right. They are wearing suits; one of them whispers something to the other as the other takes notes. They are both the casting directors for a play.
CASTING DIRECTOR 1: (piercingly) You can come in now!
The 81-year-old KAREN limps into the room, gazing at the men’s’ faces sagaciously.
JOHN: Hello. I am John Campbell and this is Demitri Yeshanov. What is your name, ma’am?
KAREN: Karen Blackwell.
JOHN: And—and how old are you, ma’am?
KAREN: I am eighty-one years old.
DIMITRI: Wow. That’s a grand age. Is this your first audition?
KAREN: No.
DIMITRI: Where did you audition before?
KAREN: I auditioned for a play in my old town down in Kansas. I didn’t get in.
DIMITRI: Oh. That’s too bad.
JOHN: Did you prepare a monologue?
KAREN: Uh—no, sir.
JOHN: Well, we have one to give you. It’s actually from the play.
KAREN: Oh. I’d love to perform from the play.
DIMITRI: Well, here’s your chance, sweetheart.
Hands monologue to KAREN.
DIMITRI: (cont’d) You can start anytime you like.
KAREN: (Pause) Do I just—read it? Do I have to learn it?
JOHN: Are you sure you didn’t practice one already? Maybe from that other play, from Kansas?
KAREN: I am sure.
DIMITRI: So just read it. Don’t worry. We’re looking for originality, really. Nothing much.
KAREN: Okay.
Looks at script, then gazes up at the two men, surprised.
KAREN: (cont’d) Excuse me—why—why does it have my name on it? Excuse me? Excuse me?
The two men are unresponsive. She looks down at the script once more, and then looks up.
KAREN: (cont’d) Sir? This has—this has everything you said, and everything—everything I said, too. It’s a complete transcript of my—our—conversation. Why, this is only what I said!
Reads from the script.
KAREN: (cont’d) Sir, I think there is a mistake here. There is a mistake here.
She limps to the table.
KAREN: (cont’d) Excuse me? Mr. Campbell? Hello? I think—I really think you made a huge mistake. This script—it’s odd. There’s nothing in it but what we said. Is this a joke? Uh—uh—sir? Hello?
KAREN starts trembling passionately. She grabs JOHN’s hand in hers and starts articulating her words fervently.
KAREN: (cont’d) SIR! Please, I beg from you—why are you doing this to me? I am an old woman, I need—I can’t do this, this joke, this inexplicable—it’s a paradox, it’s what it is, it’s a paradox! Sir, please! Mr. Yeshanov—
She glides over to Mr. Yeshanov and clutches his hand.
KAREN: (cont’d) Help me! Why—why are you just staring at me? Help me, please…This has gone over what it should have been…please! PLEASE! Stop this, I beg of you! I beg of you!
She clutches her chest and falls to the floor, as the paper flutters down. DIMITRI bends down and grabs the monologue.
Pause.
DIMITRI: That was astounding.
JOHN: (applauds) Bravo! Bravissimo! That was excellent, Mrs. Blackwell! The best I have ever seen! You can get up now.
KAREN does not move.
JOHN: (cont’d) Mrs. Blackwell? (alarmed) Mrs. Blackwell? Are you alright? (He gets up and walks over to Karen.)
DIMITRI: John—this is…it wasn’t the script, John.
JOHN: What? What are you talking about?
DIMITRI: She acted it all. She acted it all.
JOHN: What? Let me look at that—
He yanks the monologue and reads it.
JOHN: (cont’d) Oh my god. It’s completely different!
DIMITRI: Didn’t you say you read it before?
JOHN: Well, yes, but, I mean—I lied! I didn’t know this will happen.
DIMITRI: (After checking KAREN’s pulse.) She is gone.
JOHN: (gently.) Oh no.
DIMITRI: (Alarmed) What can we do?
JOHN: Call the next person in, I guess. Call the police first, though, and—
DIMITRI: We killed her, John! We killed her!
JOHN: She was an old woman, Dimitri. Just forget it.
DIMITRI: (Sobbing.) But—she was—she—the best actress—we—I had ever, ever—I—saw! I can’t just—forget—it!
JOHN: But then—wait a second! She isn’t really dead, I mean—if she’s just an actress! She is just faking it then, isn’t she?
DIMITRI: I don’t—think so. She feels dead—to me.
JOHN: Wait a second—I don’t understand this! (Looks at monologue, then flips to second page.) If she—the script is what she said, Dimitri! She acted—she acted everything. She isn’t dead, then. She isn’t!
DIMITRI: But—I—checked!
JOHN: Let me check then.
Checks KAREN’s pulse.
JOHN: (cont’d) She is dead.
DIMITRI: Let me see the—the script.
Reads the second page, then the third.
DIMITRI: (cont’d) Wait, John—this is what…the script…
JOHN: I know! But what can we do, Dimitri!
DIMITRI: We are caged! We are caged! (Runs to the walls of theater, bangs.) HELP US! SOMEBODY HELP US, please! Please! Please! Please!
Light fades out. Then, when the light fades back in, the three actors stand in a row on the stage, take their final bow, and leave the stage.
