Post-Op

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 321
It throbs in my mouth tonight
like a jealousy, like a thwarted hate.
As the deep reeks beyond the window
on a saturdaynight of cold,
of hot rum and warm wine
sinking to the bottom, pitched always
above my head.

Where do you sit tonight,
in a crusty bar on the shoulder of a street
with nowhere lights and somewhere people
and anywhere drinks?

I sit here in everywhere pain,
my teeth jerked from the roots
like stubborn potatoes,
and now the bedding rings with missing,
thrusting with hurt until the walls
press their fingers on my temples,
and their toes down my throat.
Waiting, thirsting for a faraway place of grime,
for a drink thick and bitter as oil,
for a person young and lost.
purple sneakers




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2168
Reviews 183
It throbs in my mouth tonight
like a jealousy, like a thwarted hate.
As the deep reeks beyond the window
on a saturdaynight of cold, - space between saturday and night
of hot rum and warm wine
sinking to the bottom, pitched always
above my head.

Where do you sit tonight,
in a crusty bar on the shoulder of a street
with nowhere lights and somewhere people
and anywhere drinks?

I sit here in everywhere pain,
my teeth jerked from the roots
like stubborn potatoes, - nice similie
and now the bedding rings with missing, - why the 'with?'
thrusting with hurt until the walls
press their fingers on my temples,
and their toes down my throat.
Waiting, thirsting for a faraway place of grime,
for a drink thick and bitter as oil,
for a person young and lost.

A poem about alocohol, I presume? Quite confusing, but nevertheless pretty well written. I must admit that a lot of this poem I failed to understand. The first verse, really. Try to make what your saying a little more clear, because it seems your trying to hard to be poetic and the poem fails to be about anything.
Not that it isn't. It's an alright poem. Keep writing!
Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 189
This is amazing. I really liked this. Keep up the good work!

-Rick




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1179
Reviews 42
all i can say is......WOW.
your great at writing, and with adjectives. this poem is really good. im jealous of your talent!
caroline was here '10



Resistance is futile.
— The Borg