Untitled Part 2

PART 2
My parents were really proud of me that day.
The next day they gave me a hero award for saving a person's life. I was glad I could help. So Then I met up with Jerry. jerry said,"what you did yesterday was amazing."
"Thanks but this isn't a talent to do at the talent show though." I replied.
"The one thing you could do is show them how to do CPR." Jerry replied.
"I better get to class Jerry. I will see you at lunch." I said. When I was walking to my next class this new girl named Laura ran into me and I said, "Hey! Watch it!"
"Oh I am so sorry uh um. What's your name?" Laura said.
"I am Emily." I replied.
"Oh yeah you were that girl that save that guy's life." Laura replied.
"I have to get to class. I will see you around ok." I said.
"Sure no problem." Laura replied.

I must say I don't consider this a story in any way, shape, or form. Do you even know where you're going with this? Do you know who your characters are, and what they're like? Do you know where to thicken the plot, add description, or just basically tell a good story? I have no desire to continue reading this, and what that means is as a writer you didn't do your job. This is a dull, lifeless telling of facts, and even the way you told the facts was wrong (grammar-wise). I know how I'm coming off right now, but I've read some of your other stuff and I think you need a serious wake-up call. Lots of people have been giving you some really good suggestions, and from what you've been writing it doesn't look like you've taken any of what they've said to heart. You need to read some good literature and poetry, or even some self-help writing books if you think they would help you (scratch that-read them anyway whether you think they would help or not). I'm not trying to be mean or judgmental here, I'm just trying to get you to realize where your weak spots are in the world of writing. Hopefully you'll remember this and think about your stories, characters, plot lines, etc. before you even set pen to paper.

Sorry to be so harsh.....Good luck!

I'm going have to agree with Omgafilangi on this one. I don't see how this is a story; it's more like a snippet. I know nothing of what the characters look like, their backgrounds, or their personalities. Sure, dialogue can reveal a character's personality, but because we have no background fodder, the conversation goes nowhere. Also, where are your capitalizations for some of your proper nouns? Your sentences are very simple and lack variety.

Until the reader can see a plot in this story, this really isn't anything more than a drabble, and even then that's pushing it. If you write more, I'll gladly take a look at it again, but until then, nothing catches my interest.

Yes, I also hate to sound so harsh, but trust me, it'll help you in the long run as a writer.

Keep writing!