The Vampire of Praile

....

wow

*waves* Hello! I haven't seen you around YWS before. Welcome! My name is Saint and I shall be your critiquer today.

Marianna left the theatre, striding briskly

*eats adverb* Yuck. I don't like it there. Usually they don't bother me but that one does, for one reason or another.

Also, this sentence has a misplaced modifier. Is Marianna surrounded by body guards or is the railway station surrounded by guards?

They’re calling you ‘The vampire of Praile’.”

Oh dear. Pet peeve alert. It should be "They're calling you 'The Vampire of Praile.'"

The punctuation always goes inside the quotes, even if there's quotes within a quote.

“No more than usual.” Marianna replied.

I certainly hope that's a comma after "usual."

He would commission the plays a month ahead, and each week they would watch the play that had been commissioned the month before.

This sentence is redundant. Trim the fat, please!

She had had to do something.

Get rid of one of the "had"s please and thank you.

He was dead.

Pardon the bluntness, but, well, duh. =P

“Marianna! Adrianne Calm down!”

I'm confused after this line. Who's Adrianne?

*reads on* O...kay?
*continues reading* Oh! I get it. =D

“the Vampire of Praile”,

Capitalise "the," and put the comma inside the quotes.

Ooh, very interesting. Very interesting indeed. I love the twist at the end! Delightful. Well done, I definitely enjoy your writing style. ^^

-Saint Razorblade
The Official YWS Pirate

Saint caught the grammatical errors, so I won't repeat.

Wow. This was great. I was seriously confused about halfway through, but I stuck it through. Then the twist at the end and "Oh!"

Very clever. I love stories of method actors. I've only read or heard a few before, but this was quite cleverly done. Your language is great.

I feel like this is an empty review, with really nothing in it, but I seriously couldn't find anything and you are an excellent author, so I had to leave something.

Fabulous job.

*applause*

~GryphonFledgling