The man in front

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He is the man in front
Who bears the brunt,

Of what is out there,
A war of two men in disrepair.

Of the drone of guns,
The battle of drums.

In a French countryside torn apart,
The mud, the trench, the broken heart.

I am the man behind, who watches still,
While the enemy rages and takes their fill.

We are but boys,
Playing the same childish game.

A thick veil of smoke between us.
Scared of one another,

But terrified of ourselves.
Do you know what I fear?

Someday I will wake,
And I will feel nothing.

Make no mistake,
It's not what I want.

But by then,
I will be the man in front.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




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Have I ever mentioned that you write amazing poetry?
I don't really have anything to critique about this, so I suppose this isn't the most helpful, but I figure it's always nice to know somebody likes your work, and I really really like this. You're awesome!


*adna*
"Half the time the poem writes me." ~Meshugenah




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Well not much to critique here, it flows well, sounds great, and a very talented write who writes it. Bravo on a job well done. I can't wait to read more of your pieces. PM with more, not for harsh critique but just because i love to read it.
Heal my wounds with devotion, sew up my heart with despair, strip my face of confinement, release me to the dreams that await me.




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Wow! I honestly loved that thoroughly!

My favourite line:

'In a French countryside torn apart,
The mud, the trench, the broken heart.'

The punctuation makes it flow so brilliantly, and I love the way you keep the stanzas quite short.

I'm no good with poetry, but this is my personal favourite poem on the YWS so far, really!

You are very talented:

Keep Writing!

~D'Aedomir~
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.




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Hi there ^^


Okay, halfway though this you lose your rhyme scheme, not to destriment to your poem. I actually prefer your second half (when dividing at the change) to your first. If you're going to use the rhyme, make sure it's sustained, or at least you provide a reason for the sudden lack of pattern - like a larger pause or seperation of stanzas.

I'm not sure how fond I am of the couplets, though. It may just be me, but I think it detracts from the flow of the narrative.

I like the idea of the poem, and I find your description to be very well done, a nice mix of the straight forward and poetic. The meaning behind it is also lovely, so nice work on that.

I look forward to more.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.




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nice I likike it
you should describe more the man in the front, but is very very nice
good
preety
bye..:)
A person that is wise is a person who had enough expiriences, so he knows what life is about




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It's a really good poem. I don't like how the rythm kind of died in it, but I liked it still. Keep up the good work!

-Rick



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain