The Dance of the Dead

The night was quite bold
And was filled with an air
Of the dark and the cold
That had always been there.

I looked with my eyes
Quite unclouded by fear,
Yet soon realized
That Darkness was near.

The earth of the graveyard
Sank deep with the weight
Of the dead and the guards
Of the cold and their fate.

But I held my head high
And my eyes twinkled, bright,
For the dark of the sky
Gave an air to the night.

I watched as the dead
Crawled forth from the ground.
The gravestones all read
That the dancer was bound.

I followed them, knowing
I would not die here,
For the bodies were going
To dance without fear.

I laughed with them, grinning
As I held no dread
I followed them, spinning
In the Dance of the Dead.

"That fright was indeed here" Rhythm is off on this one. I think that you should find a synonym for 'indeed' that is only one syllable.

"And my eyes twinkled, bright," There's something awkward about this line.

"As I held no dread" This line is too short.

I liked it!

My main gripe with rhyming poems (which I'm guilty of myself) is that the diction gets quite trite. As you've only got so much to work with unless you get creative.

Ex: rhyming divan with Spokane.

I guess it all depends how you pronounce Spokane though.

Hmmm, yes, yes I enjoyed this. The title was what really drew me in (FYI-The Dance of the Dead- great). The general idea and the way your thoughts meandered and developed really kept me.

I enjoyed reading it, this stansa in particular was my fav for rhyming:

The earth of the graveyard
Sank deep with the weight
Of the dead and the guards
Of the cold and their fate.

As for imagery the very next line was great

But I held my head high
And my eyes twinkled, bright,
For the dark of the sky
Gave an air to the night.

All in all, a pretty solid effort and a good poem. You have real talent.

PM me if you write anymore, I'd love to read and review it for you,

Eimearxx

Loved it, it made me visualize what was happening.



REMEMBER PUNCTUATION (inside joke [not really a lot of people know it])

Delightful poem.

Not many people capitalize the beginning of every line, but I'm glad you did.

I felt that although the rhyming seemed a bit forced in places, you kept it even and uniform.

Interesting idea. I believe that this poem could work well in either poetry or short prose form. I would have probably chosen the poetry from, as you did.

Good job. Keep up the good writing.

-Pros

eerie.
but I enjoyed it.
reminds me of an emo music video.
it's very well put together.