I Just Called to Say I love You

khfan890 · 2008-02-13T01:33:14Z

I just wrote this a few minutes ago. Please read it and tell me what you think and what I could improve! I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU Andrea looked at the telephone, wondering when he would call. She knew that it wouldn’t be long. Brian was, after all, never late, and he certainly wouldn’t miss a chance to talk to her. It’s 9:05. Five more minutes. She looked at herself in the mirror on the back of her door. She had to admit, she was the prettiest girl in Youngerstown High. Every boy envied the chance to date her, to care for her, to be the one who loved her with his whole being. She was only sixteen, and many of the eighteen-year-old boys would ask her out, choosing to ignore the girls their own age and go for her. They just all want me for my body, the pigs. She looked again at the phone on her end table, and then at the clock next to it. The minute hand was just reaching ten after, and she hurriedly rushed to her bed and plopped down, knowing that any moment she would hear a ring, followed by the familiar voice she had grown to love so much over the past few months. But now, it was over. She had to tell him. “There he is,” she muttered as the phone rang. She paused a moment before answering so that she wouldn’t seem too eager to talk to him. “Hello,” she said. “Andrea, it’s me, Brian.” She recognized the voice before he said the name. “You asked me to call?” “Yes, because there’s something I need to talk to you about.” She sucked in a deep breath, waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t, and she continued. “I’ve been hiding this from you for awhile now, and it’s finally time that I tell you.” “What?” he asked. She sensed no fear in his voice, which surprised her because he was always so overprotective. “I’ve been hanging out with Garrett Halen over the last few weeks, and we’ve hit it off pretty well.” She mentally kicked herself for being so abrupt about it. “I know. And he’s won your heart, hasn’t he? He’s better than I am, isn’t he?” Brian asked. Andrea wasn’t sure whether he would be angry or hurt, but right now he sounded hurt. “Yes, but I’ve grown to love you so much over the last few weeks-…” she started, but he cut her off. “Well, now it’s my turn to tell you something,” he said, and she braced herself for the verbal attack that would most likely ensue. “I’ve known this all along, and it has really bothered me lately. You didn’t tell me, but instead, you pushed me away and gave me pathetic reasons for not wanting to be around me. I’m tired of it.” “I know, but-…” “I loved you, unlike I’ve ever loved anyone before, and you really broke my heart. But that’s fine. Because I knew this would happen, and I planned for it. I have connections, and you will be dead in a matter of seconds, along with your family. If I can’t have you, nobody can.” “Brian, what are you saying?” she asked, suddenly terrified by his words. “I just called to say I love you.” The phone line went dead, and she looked at the receiver in horror before rushing down the stairs. “Mom!” she screamed. “Where are you?” “I’m right here, honey,” her mom said, coming out of the dining room. “Do you know what this is?” She held up a small device, and Andrea snatched it out of her hand. “Oh, no”, she breathed. _____________________________ “What happened at that home?” the police chief asked. “Something just exploded,” the officer replied. “Nobody understands it. There isn’t enough of it remaining to investigate. I guess we’ll never know what caused it. We only have one possible clue.” “What’s that?” “Brian Olmond was just found dead in his basement from a gun wound to the head. It’s been ruled as a suicide, and there was a note lying beside his body. It said, ‘Dear Andrea: I just called to say I love you.’”

Derek

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Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:27 am

Derek says... · Mon Mar 10, 2008 2:27 am

KJ wrote:I liked it. I wasn't bored, so that's a plus. The only part I really didn't like was when she thought that the boys only liked her for her body and called them pigs. Being the prettiest girl in school, she should be used to it, I think.

(Correct me if i'm wrong Stephen)
She was explaining to us so she might have been used to it but being apart of the explanation it was needed

KJ wrote:And one other thing that kind of bothered me was when she claimed that she loved Brian so much a couple times. If she really loved him she wouldn't be throwing him over for some other guy.

Well that was weird to hear you say
Cause that happens all the time -_-
It really does girls(and guys) always say they love someone
but they have to dump them....Its not unusual
or weird. Plus she is a popular girl so it makes even more
sense.

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khfan890

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Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:43 pm

khfan890 says... · Mon Mar 10, 2008 9:43 pm

Alright people, somebody go read my Death at a Funeral story already!! lol... Derek, I have no idea what you're talking about on that first part. The second part you're kind of right. It just depends on the pov.

And KJ, glad you liked the story! About the whole "wanting her body, the pigs" thing, just because she's the prettiest girl in school and might be used to it doesn't mean she has to like it. And I think Derek had the point that people do still love each other after they break up, although I can see where her cheating on him wasn't exactly a loving act...

Thanks for the reviews!

Death is no respecter of persons. Just felt like saying that.

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ashleylee

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Fri Mar 14, 2008 1:46 pm

ashleylee says... · Fri Mar 14, 2008 1:46 pm

wow, that was a pretty dramatic piece. it kind of went too fast for me though. How one moment he was hurt because she liked someone else and then the next he vowed to kill her. a little too over the top for me but hey, props for creativity!

"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach

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