Fragile Bones, Part 3.

Same as the other 2 parts.

Hiya! Part 3 already?

'My sister… Emma, she whom disappeared two years ago has been found'

I could be wrong, but that in bold I think is a bit unnecessary.

'vicar Lein'

capital V, its a title

'also decorated with tiny statues of God'

Don't Christians believe we do not know what God looks like? Or was that intentional?

'vicar Lein took a firm grip'

Capital V

'He went down on his knees, putting his hands together allowing his fingers to braid together'

Repetion of 'together' doesn't really work, try something else.

'followed vicar Lein’s lead'

I won't say this anymore, capital V

'his followers'

Capital H, for God to keep it continuous.

'sweet virgin blood.'

It's a cool phrase, but you used it in the last gore scene.

'holy” he'

comma after 'holy'

'pulling out her [s]pure[/s] heart'

Just doesn't fit, sorry

'vicar's'

apostrophe

Right! Now, that was exciting wasn't it! I like where this is oging, just make sure you don't make this too predictable, which you are doing slowly, if you kill everyone in the scene. I am interested in this fallen knight, who is he?

Keep Writing!

~D'Aedomir~

thanks sweetheart it helps alot with those grammar checks, since english ain't my first language

and no worries, sir knight likes attention so of course he will get some, or loads

english isn't first language *checks country* oh sweden!

Hmm, Aedomir did the grammar. I'll emphasise that. What I said again about it being Church I swear vampires can't enter them. Also my friend ages ago tried writing a vampire story anyway she researched how long it took for a vampire to drain blood out of you. It's not fast. No where near. Be a very painful death. I agree about preditability, I recommend reading some vampire fiction. Research topic. I swear Vampires can't enter Church. Also another thing stainglass windows let in alot of sunlight. Try make this original and don't slip into cliches. I like it though so far. Just don't slip into generic ya know.

Good luck
VSN

as the Vicar said "This place is far from holy, all is cursed and belongs to the wicked."

in other words, this church is not blessed by God, so it's not considered holy in any way, that's why a vampire can live there, and also as I wrote in part 2, this Vicar held all of his ceremonies at night, so the stainglas isn't a true problem.

and yeah, I might break out of the true vampire genre, but hey this is fantasy, right?

This is my image of a vampire, a damn strong one

oh yes! I must fix the grammar!

Toodles