Koze Amulet

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Just so you know this is quite a weird story and i was made up from the top if my head, so if it's bad, then it's because I did it randomly ( you know with out much thought)
Hope you enjoy!





"Be careful," his grandpapa reminded him.
"I will, grandpapa," I said.

"Oh! I almost forgot. If you ever run out of food, three a day should keep you going."

I thanked him, and then looked at the half peanut half banana looking things, they weren't that bad. I stuffed them in my bag, opened my coffee stained map and made sure that all my destinations were marked and then checked my compass for East.
I've been on many hikes and adventures before, but nothing like this, the whole town was counting on me, and others, to locate all seven piicez of the Koze Amulet, the one amulet to keep the sun shining it's most glorious shine, without it all animal and human kind would die of the cold, and it's up to me to do it.
As I left, I took a glance behind me and I could see all the hopeful faces putting all their faith in my hands but, are my hands big enough ? So many questions buzzed in my head unanswered and bothering me.
I already grasped one of the Piicez around my neck in a leather pouch, where it glowed as if it had it's own heartbeat.
My first stop was Bellmore, a remote place in Su mountain. It wasn't very high so it only took half a day to get there and the other half to find the temple where it laid peacefully and undisturbed. The people there were very kind and wanted me to stay but I couldn't for Shado, my horse, was waiting for me at the bottom, and was he ever glade to see my face again.
I set camp near the bottom and tied Shado to a nearby tree, then I made a fire, where I cooked my dinner, an then set up my bed where I drifted into a light slumber.
I was awoken by a deep growl, and it didn't sound happy.
I quickly rolled out from under my blanket and onto the cold ground, facing the sky and looking at the sparkly white star . When I grabbed my sword, I heard the horrid sound again, but this time knew were it came from.
I took baby steps until I saw it, lying in the snow was a... snow tiger!
I guessed it was a female, seeing that it wore metallic jewelry on her body. Blood was slowly dripping from her body like a drippy faucet on her leg.
I wasn't sure if I should approach , but with caution, I did . I could feel that she was tired and had probably fought a long battle and unfortunately, lost and paid an unfortunate price.
Her fur was soft as silk and shone in the moonlight. The metal that she wore was scratched but still intact. She was aware of my presence, but still let me touch her tender body .
It took me a while, but I eventually moved her heavy body to my blanket, removed her armor, and put it at her paws, where her injury was still bleeding, but only faintly.
When I was ready, I began to work on her wound. When my job was done, I also sleept, happy of my choice to help an animal in need .
The next morning, I awoke and immediately made breakfast for myself then gave Shado her two apples, juicy and appetizing.
Rustling was heard behind me.
I flicked backwards, looking straight into the amber eyes of the tiger, sparkling with beauty. She was in a stance, head low and tail flicking.

"Were you thy noble man to heal me?"she said, her voice musical but serious at the same time. So beautiful.

"Uh........yeah I guess so," I replied. I was scared, not sure if was going to attack or be truss.

"I thank you for your needed help, but I'm afraid that I don't have anything to give.........,"she trailed of.
I couldn't believe it! Did she just thank me?
Normally, daemons think less of humans like me, but she was different, she was wise.

"Do you know of the Koze Amulet?" I asked.

"But of course.Oh! You must be the noble boy sent to retrieve all seven piicez of the Koze Amulet. May I help? I know all the shortcuts around this area. We could go everywhere exceedingly fast. Can I, can I?" she asked excited. She was no longer in a nasty stance, but near my feet begging to tag along. No one could resist the beautiful sparks in her eyes, which were now a deep chestnut.

"You may but, you may not eat my horse, clear?"

"But of course! Anything for you....... uh, what is your name?"

"My name is Saymon Curr, and I am fifteen years old. And how about you?"

"My name is Riiya and I am twelve years old. So can we go now? I can't wait." she bounced happily. I could tell that she was young and quite playful, soon to grow into a beast of nature.

Our quest continued and we visited every destination, using Riiya's shortcuts of course, in one very long week. We wandered deeper into the land of Zarr, creeping closer to the Sunclipse, the dark, wet and freezing cold cave that holds, or that is supposed to hold, the Amulet of Koze . Over the days, Riiya's leg healed, allowing her to walk without limping.
Now the temperature changed as we continued moving South, where the Sunclipse would be found. As we trudged through the snow, Riiya spotted a black blob to her left.

"It's the Sunclipse! The Sunclipse!" she squeaked, happily bouncing up an down in the snow that matched the shade of her bleach white fur.
Fifteen minutes later we were inside the Sunclipse, wandering the small cramped tunnel inside. At the end of the tunnel, we entered an massive chamber, with a wheel sized hole in the roof. At the other end of the chamber was a rock pole with dents in the side, probably used for holding the amulet's piicez . I removed the amulet from my neck and began to walk towards the post, when a dark figure appeared out of nowhere, saying,"You are Saymon Curr, am I correct?"
Riiya was now in attack mode, ready for a good fight. I noticed that behind him, were five ninja monkeys, wearing similar armor to Riiya's.

"Yeah, so?" I responded shakily.

"I want those piicez boy and if you were smart, you'd give them to me now!" he warned.
My legs were shaking when I saw the monkeys running towards me, but not exactly at me. Lord Zarr had a confused look on his face, and started yelling orders in a different language.
The monkeys were now getting closer, that's when I realized that the monkeys were after the peanut half banana looking things in my knapsack, which I whipped out and threw behind me, monkeys following.
My next move was to remove my sword from it's case and slash Lord Zarr in the leg before he could react and do anything about it.
I sprinted to the rock that held the Amulet's piicez, and carefully placed each one in it's correct resting place. When my task was done, a huge white light burst from the stone and flung me backwards, slapping me against the ground, but I knew that my task was done and now, I could go home.

:lol:
"Laugh like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching, and love like you're going to doe tomorrow." --Unknown




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I'll be honest, if this is serious it fails miserably. If not you still need more. Even comedy stories have substance. First thing you should do if spell check all of this. Then try to make it less cliche. Everything far too convenient.

1. Spelling and Grammar: Check this over throughly.

2. Cliche: This is so cliche a kingdom in peril some dude who is only one who can do it. Why him? What's so special about him. I don't even like him that much. Also it's a quest it won't be like going to supermarket. Give us some peril.

3. Too convenient: Let me elaborate, this Tiger thing he meets seems vicious at first and then since he saves it. It's all happy chappy. Think of fantasies you've read. Is it always so easy for them to get someone to join? It's all too convenient she knows all these shortcuts. Maybe make give some perils.

4. It doesn't make any sense: It honestly doesn't never have any idea why it's only him. Why everyone knows this. Did they watch it on tv? :P. Think while you write does this make sense to my readers?

Okay, you need to do alot, don't give up or be disheartened but just work on this. Or better try an original idea. :)

Good luck VSN.
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
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Thanks for the advice! Hopefully, I'll manage to get around to retyping it with more of point and ahve it be less cliche,k? and thanks for the review!
shanan-cat!
"Laugh like no one can hear you, dance like no one is watching, and love like you're going to doe tomorrow." --Unknown




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Okay Phebe, my review might not be helpful but we'll see.

Instead of Quoting a bunch of things I think I'll just tell you what is wrong and then when you edit it and can point out particular areas that need improvement, OK?

First,spelling, grammar and overall punctuation are very important aspects that need to be fixed in your work when you edit it.

Second, this isn't the most cliched thing on earth but it still is a little cliched. But, when things are cliched it doesn't bother me that much because I think that if you can use a cliched idea and make it into an original story then it doesn't matter how many other people have started off with that base. Make the STORY original and the cliched part will work itself out.

Third, a part that bugged me a little is the fact that he's all alone, but why is he all alone? Try elaborating on certain things to give it a deeper meaning.

Anyways that's it. Hope I helped you! When you edit it let me know.
PM me with any questions about my review.

-BroadwayGirl :D
Want something critiqued? PM me, I'd be glad to help you out with that.



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