Alone

Alone

She sits alone
in a lonesome chair
waiting, wishing
for someone to appear
for someone to be there
to hold her hand
and sing her songs
and be her friend
but no one comes

so she sits some more
in the darkness and gloom
the only one
in an empty room
and prays for someone
to come for her soon
but no one comes

then finally, she goes to sleep
prays to God her soul to keep
and silently begins to weep
into the darkness of the room
the bottomless pit of dark and gloom
and sobs for someone to save her
from her doom
but no one comes

frantically, she reaches out
hand outstretched
grasping for an arm, a hand
a heart, to save her from the dark
she finds one
rises from her chair
out of the darkness, the deep despair
guided into the light by a helping hand
a loving heart
been there all the time
waiting outside the door

no one comes,
but she goes



[b]Please leave a comment! Thanks!

so she sits some more
in the darkness and gloom
the only one
in an empty room

I loved this part especially. =P

Ok, critique.
1) Are poems suposed to be punctuated? I only ask because I think there's supposed to be more capitals, be it at the beginning of each line or the beginning of each stanza (That's what a paragraph is in a poem, right? *hasn't done poetry in a while*). Not sure though, but I think there should be more than there are.
2)...Ok! Just one then. =P

I liked it. A lot, actually. I liked the whole theme and I adore rhyme so it won me over. ^_^ Good work! (Hopefully you'll get some more helpful crits =P)

^_^ Keek!

Thanks!

I like this poem alot. It gives you the perfect image and reminds us of the days when we've been alone. Good job!

Please leave a comment! Thanks!

We're all here to do just that, so there's no need to beg for critiques.

The poem feels like the same-old, same-old. It's the cliche story about loneliness and despair, and you know what? Reading the same-old poem doesn't appeal to readers. Why should you repeat something boring, something that's been done before, when you can tell us something unique and genuine? Draw on your own experiences, use things you've seen or emotions you've experienced. Don't borrow phrases from the work of other teen-angst poets. Make up your own! Use words in unexpected ways. Create a metaphor or image to tie the piece together. Focus more on description and imagery than on abstract emotions.

-Colleen

Awwh this is a sad song =( But still good =) What sorta style is it?
Like it, but might b a bit mainstream, shake it up with some new words. I like songs that have one particular line that sticks into your brain =)


Try and achieve that

Good luck =D


x

Meter does not follow, but your best piece is:

"so she sits some more
in the darkness and gloom
the only one
in an empty room
and prays for someone
to come for her soon
but no one comes"

drop the 'so' (if you go with my stand alone point (see below)

if you drop 'the' in the 2nd line

and add 'ever' before 'the only one'

drop 'soon' after 'her'

you'd have a meter piece that holds together a bit sounder. Also it would follow with your double o 2nd line form.

That piece alone would be a GOOD poem itself, you had the best work there and the rest kinda pales in comparison. The piece as a whole seems to drag on the beauty and simplicity you want to match the theme of 'Alone' and you clearly have made your point in just six beautifully crafted, flowing and patterned lines.

While this is a mark fo your skill i don't think it is that original.
Perhaps if you used the same level of description but used a different idea?

This is really good but like Cade said try to make the expirences in the poems a little more personal so it will hook your readers

I like this poem.
Its really good and I don't think it needs any work. Keep Writing!

The flow here is very good, but, as has been said, punctuation would be good. If you're unsure as to how to go about this, try saying it aloud, and you should get a sense of where commas and full stops should go. Soem parts of this sound very musical, which is nice;
"She sits alone
in a lonesome chair
waiting, wishing
for someone to appear."

"to come for her soon." I think this line is too long for the rhythm. Myabe try;
"To find her soon".Or "to visit/enter soon"

I'd change:
"into the darkness of the room "
to "in the dark room" as I think it flows better.

I think your rhythm is a bit off in the final stanza. Maybe try;

"frantically, she reaches out
hand outstretched
and heart half-out
grasping for
a hand to save
her from her dark
and early grave.
she finds one,
rises from her chair,
out of the darkness'
[s]the deep[/s] despair
guided [s][u]into the light[/u[/s]] by
a helping hand
a loving heart
who, it seems, planned
to stand forever by her door
[s]been there all the time [/s]
[s]waiting outside the door[/s]
until at last she did deplore
someone to come lead her out
into the light.
no one comes,
but she goes." (note; I'm thinking as I type here, I'm just trying to give you an idea of what I think would work. Try playing with this yourself, and see what you can come up with, and keep reading it aloud.)

Hope this helps.

Jas

I'm not sure I really understood it. What you were trying to say was not all that clear. Was there someone to help her? Was there "someone" to help her? (By that I mean was it a metaphor or more symbolic of something else) Did she help herself? Did anyone even come?

Ah! As you can see, it leaves the reader with a lot of questions. I loved the whole poem up to the very end. That is where the questions arise.

I would try to make the message and ending a little more clear.

Good job on everything else, though!

i think this was good and it definitely reminded me of myself at time because being alone is one of my biggest fears but i think this is a little cut and dry by the book. i dont feel that punuation is necessary because the line breaks say every thing. keep up the good work though i do wanna see more.

I like it, it is orginal!! : Hopefully you post more.

Yes this is quite pretty poem.

It makes me sad though, I know too many people like that,
we all fear being old and alone, don't we?


Just don't post anymore heart touching poems girl, or else I'll have to tear your heart out.

kay?
Sorry about the previous comment, it kinda sucked.

But now I'm back for revenge, and good reviews.
later my keira!