I hate...

I hate you...
I hate you for all the pain you caused
I hate you because you never cared
I hate you because you were never there
when I needed you physically and emotionally...
I hate that we'll never be together again...
I hate that I couldn't confide in you
and trust you to be there when ever the need may be...

Well, it was rather blah.

This may be a bit harsh, but I really found your structure to be rather boring. I mean, I get it: you hate it. I think you could have found a more creative way of stating your feelings, without saying, "I hate" at the beginning of every line. Sometimes repetition adds flavor to the poem, but this is not one of those times.

I think you could have taken the thought a lot farther, and explained it in a more potent way. You really need to capture the reader better, because frankly it felt like whining without more info, or better explanations.

Your poem really didn't have an end point, it seemed like you just cut yourself off after you ran out of ideas.

So basically in conclusion, it needs a lot of work. On the other hand, you have a very strong emotion, which should help with the creative process. Good luck!

I think everything that is wrong with this poem can be fixed if you honour one code of poetry:

Do not start every line (or even several lines in a row) with the same phrase. It's tired and boring and unaffective.

You may also want to add poetic elements such as similies, metaphors, diction...things that make poetry effective.

So, I suppose basically what I'm saying is scrap this and start over haha.

Good luck!

Agreed.

This poem seems too artificial and forced. Don't use too much anaphora (starting with the same phrase over and over and over again). Use it sparingly, to spice up your life. However, I think the emotion's right where it needs to be.

I feel that it would harsh of me to score this piece. Oh well.

I've got to remember to click on the reply button and not the post button.

As I was going to say, I agree that you write "I hate" too many times. It makes it boring and tedious. Try saying it in a different way.

I liked it I felt like it had good feeling.
Good job.
I wish i could give a better critique.

nice...........

This does nothing for me whatsoever. Poetry is not taking a strong emotion like hate and turning it into a random insignificant list of sentences. It's a little more of an artform than that.

Next time, give a worthy effort. If you want to write poetry, expect it to take more than two minutes and maybe broaden your vocabulary. Yeah, that would help.

Poetry is an emotion put to song, almost. It should ignite the senses.

Try try again.


Rosethorn

You didn't use I hate in every line. Apart from that, it was okay.

I hate you...
I hate you for all the pain you caused - "you've"
I hate you because you never cared
I hate you because you were never there - I like how these two lines resemble eachother
when I needed you physically and emotionally... - Ew. I don't like this line. Its unnecessary.
I hate that we'll never be together again...
I hate that I couldn't confide in you
and trust you to be there when ever the need may be...

Eh. You're writing style is pretty good. The poem itself was okay. In my opinion I believe that you could do better by altering or getting rid of some lines. I was just so dissapointed at the fifth line, "Physically and Emotionally?" Poems are not about facts; their about feelings.

KEEP WRITING!!

No offence buddy, but his is not a poem.
It's not relvant to anything, and there's no real emotion to it.
I think that you should have actually editedit and made it have:
- a better ending
- make more sense
- put more effort into it
- spend time looking over what you have typed and pay attention to the message you are giving us
shanan-cat!