A Writing Along The Lines Of Strange

a lot of people say that there is so pleasure in pain,
I however must say that there may be some,
the pain that Aimee felt was much worse than normal, the hate she felt for that boy, that cheater, that, used-to-be lover, was greater than most. she only thought about bringing him pain, for her own gain, but it was because he had forgotten about her, stopped caring about her, that made her want to kill him and the girl. the girl who stole his heart. he was in love with her, Aimee even heard the song made for the girl he loved. she knew it wasn't for her, because he didn't say it was
Aimee now stood in the kitchen, knife in hand, blade against skin. he won't care now will he? just do it! a voice was saying to Aimee. she thought of this voice as her devil ,because her angel had gone seemingly amiss. she slid the blade, making a fine, straight, cut. then, a weird thing happened, her vision went like tunnels, then her eyes rolled back up into her head. the ground was coming up to her. no. she was going down to the ground. hard tile hit her face, noises but no sights. Aimee's eyes flashed back open, she rolled onto her back and lay there. then standing she walked to the sink, where she washed off the cut. she wondered why she had done it again. it had done her no good, anyways. she help a paper towel against the still bleeding arm, then went to the cupboard to get the first aid kit. once she had gotten there, opened the cupboard door, she took the kit out, and opened it. she remembered her friend saying, "help! help! I need a first-rape kit!". she smiled and gave a little laugh. she began wrapping her arm with the snow white bandage that was now turning red from her blood. she remembered learning about what was in blood in science. then she remembered bile, which was in vomit, then remembering vomit she gagged, then walked to the living room. so much had happened there, this was where her dog had died, and she had watched. she wished she had been able to help, or that she had ressucitated her. but now she was gone. and she wasn't coming back like the other times. you couldn't even close her eyes like they do people. thinking about her seemed to hurt, so she snatched up the TV remote, and pressed the red power button on it, turning on the TV wondering what life would throw at her next...

to be continued...

next in the strangely realistic story there is going to be another girl appearing, she will be Aimee's best friend, and her name shall be Zoey! oops I told you the secret. =w=; but what secrets is Zoey hiding from Aimee? find out in the next chapter! and plus! a great adventure shall begin! :O

Your right, this story is a bit strange but in a good way. I wish you had to put in more detail to what had happened though, we don't really know we she did that. Also would someone really fall over from cutting their wrists. It was a good piece though.

Hoping to read more! Keep up the good work

Your ideas are interesting.

The story itself, visually, needs a lot more work. Paragraphing would help space out your ideas and make your writing easier to read. The first two lines looked like poetry and the rest was prose - in fact the whole thing seemed like an extended poem.

You need to understand how punctuation works in a piece of prose. Sentences should start with a capital letter and end with a full stop. Dialogue should be written with speech marks. I know it sounds basic but in several sentences these fundamentals were missing.

To get you started, I would rewrite the first two lines thus:

Many people say that there is so little pleasure in pain.

I however must say that there may be some.

The double-spacing here emphasises the contrast between the two statements, as though they were two separate ideas. This is why paragraphing is so useful. You can have one-line or twenty-line paragraphs, as long as it makes sense to you and the reader.

Dialogue should be enclosed in speech marks and a comma if there is a tag. E.g.:

"He won't care now, will he? Just do it!" a voice said inside her.

In addition - and this is a common problem for all novices - in several instances you use forms of 'was/were'. You are telling your writing, not showing it. The difference between showing and telling is the difference between active verbs and passive/stative verbs:

"She was killed by him." (passive, telling)
"He killed her." (active, showing)

"She was hungry." (stative, telling)
"She wanted desperately to reach for the chocolate bar." (active, showing)

See how the showing statements are much more direct and less emotionally bland than the telling statements? Of course, there will be times where it is better to tell and not show, but in general you should show events and not tell them.

However, like I said, you have some interesting ideas. If you develop them further and use correct punctuation your writing will really take off.

6/10

I don't know if you'd just rather not use punctuation, or you're just lazy. But I know that in some pieces, not punctuating correctly is done on purpose. I myself have done it before. It gives some character to a piece, but it has to be the right piece. I personally don't really think that it should be intentionally used on this story, but it's totally your decision if you do.

Detailing is so very important to your reader! Make sure you focus on that. The reader can not automatically see what you have in your head, so make sure you make it really obvious for us.