God, I love you

How Shall I put this into words?
My feelings as simple as 1, 2, 3
Your gorgeous ocean eyes sparkle as you smile
The locks that sit on your head made entirely of silk
All the while my eyes stay on you, I cannot help be enchanted

My mind is consumed with thoughts of you
I am blessed for knowing somebody like you
While I’m with you, time flies by
Almost as fast as I start to miss you

Regretfully we may never be
And I admit, I love you so
This world is teeming with twist and turns
And I’m afraid we will never meet up

I think that the rhythm's off a bit here, but I'm not really sure how to fix it. What I don't understand is the message? I didn't quite get it.... I don't know what you mean by this. Can you tell me?

Keep writing!!!!!!!!

Teh Wozzinator

The problem was that it isn't very poetic. There is no rhythm, and the word pictures seem to be cliche and overused. As Wozzell said, I can't really figure out where you are going with this, as there seems to be no beginning or ending thought, just a general feeling of mushy love. You want to stay away from lines that sound cheesy like "my feelings are as simple as 1, 2, 3," a statement like that doesn't show the reader the simplicity of your feelings, it only tells them such.

LoveableLittleSock wrote:While I’m with you, time flies by
Almost as fast as I start to miss you

I LOVE that line, I think it really captures what it's like when you're first with someone, well for me anyway. And I find it really to avoid lines like your 'as simple as 1,2,3 ' line when it comes to poetry on this subject, avoiding cliche is twice as hard when the topic is love.

The last line the last line though, didn't really do it for me, plus made me a bit confused as to what the whole thing was about, but thats my only major problem, other than that i really liked it keep it up

I just loved the words. All the poems I read here somehow touch my heart. It just jumps out at me. Not much rythmn, but the feeling is there.

well, I never went much for the whole "I love you" sentiments, but the poem wasnt bad, it was a little un-poetic, too plain. so i agree with other people, making this post a waste of time.

I agree with the other people, i think it's a little too cliche..but, i do like the last 3 lines of the last stanza.

I think love is the hardest subject to right about, with all the cliches..and i supose, love i s a cliche lol

Overall, too cliche.

i think if you add more emotion into it it could go further

hope i helped .