Teenager

19 posts1, 2
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As a whole, I like where you're going with this, with a parent adressing their child, trying to relate to them. I like the change of perspective at the end, when the parent goes from "not that old" to "that old". It's very well put together, and I congratulate you on that. Some little nitpicky things:

GingerLizzy wrote:I know what it's like,
to be a teenager, my love.


I'm not sold on the "my love" at the end of this. If it's a parent addressing a child, they probably wouldn't say "my love". Try something like "darling" or "honey", or just take it out altogether.

I was caught for firsts,
which were soon, my lasts.


I'm not quite sure what you meant by this. I'm thinking along the lines of "what got me noticed in high school (looks, etc) are now gone away from me", but I'm not quite sure about it. A little clarification, maybe?

Had a father who
was too suffocating;
like a boa constrictor;


Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but generally semi-colons are used to seperate two complete and related clauses. Last time I checked, "Like a boa constrictor" is not a complete thought. What is like a boa constrictor? If it's the father, then a comma should be after "suffocating"; if it's something else, name it.

waiting to swoop down
on me if my skirt was,
a tad too short.


I would take out "a tad" here. I know the effect you're going for, but "a tad" clutters it up.

"You're old and boring,
you don't understand me!"
I've been there too;
I am that old.


Couldn't have asked for a better ending for this.

Again, great work. Just a little tweaking, and it'll be fine.




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I liked the last part,
How all the poem its like,
I'm not that old....
Then the last one...
I AM that old.

:)
Rawr!
xD




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Points 890
Reviews 7
it's good, but I don't know why I couldn't really feel




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 8
I thought it was really good

I liked how it was someone reflecting on their past instead of the usual teenage moaning lol

It really reminds me of my mum this poem its exactly what she says whenever i moan, i was your age remember lol

Not a fan of poetry but thought this was done very well



If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman