Magic remains- chapter 1, part 2

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please help me :D


In the kitchen, Aunt Esmerelda had just perched herself on one of the many plastic chairs surrounding the table. Tally began to stride back up the hallway wondering what had brought her aunt and cousins to visit. Alex exited the kitchen, clenching two pink duffle coats in one hand and an expression of hatred on his face. He glanced at Tally and shook his head as he past. Tally turned the corner and slid across the kitchen tiles again.
“Tallulah, stop that and come and sit down” barked Aunt Esmerelda.
Tally’s mum grimaced as Esmerelda’s fist hit the table and rattled the glasses and crockery. Anna’s elbow’s slipped off the surface and her fork clattered onto the floor. As she scrabbled off her chair Tally grabbed an empty seat opposite Priscilla. Strewn across the table were velvet photograph albums. Aunt Esmerelda grasped the first one as Bellatrix tried to open it.
“We have just been on a divine holiday to The Mediterranean. These albums are full of photos of us on holiday that I know you are just dying to see,” Aunt Esmerelda bragged.
Tally caught Tom’s eye and they swapped looks of mingled boredom and disgust as Priscilla flipped her blonde curls and batted her eyes. Her mum was holding up a picture of her children in frilly pink swimming costumes at the beach.


An hour had past by. Aunt Esmerelda was on the last photo album but her family had lost interest. Alex was in a deep stupor at the head of the table. The twins were slumped on the table, heads between their hands. Rich, the eldest of the three normal cousins was under the table eating ready salted crisps were as his two sisters had managed to escape upstairs by crawling under the table and sneaking away. Tally envied them.



The dinner on the table was long forgotten. She could feel her stomach rumbling. Slowly, Tally raised her eyes and look down the table to where aunt Esmerelda was still warbling about how nice everything was. Priscilla and Bellatrix were now resting either side of her, smiling innocently. Tally suddenly heard a creak on the second floor. Two sets of footsteps began thundering down the stairs. Anna and May appeared, carrying a purple shoe at arms length.
“Look!!” Anna screeched happily.


Everyone at the table jerked awake and watched May run over to Aunt Esmerelda. She waved the shoe under her aunt’s nose. Priscilla and Bellatrix let out an ear piercing screams. They shot off their seats and ran from the table. They stood whimpering in a corner and glaring at Anna and May. Aunt Esmerelda was shaking her head and emitting shrill squeaks. A thin, hairy leg protruded from the shoe followed by seven others and a round body. In three seconds flat Aunt Esmerelda had grabbed her girls, gave the rest of her family a fleeting look, sped down the hallway and slammed the front door. Everyone sat in silence as the letterbox clanged noisily against the door.


“What did I do?” asked May with a trembling lip.
Tally’s mum walked round the table and scooped up Tom’s tarantula in one hand and placed it on his head before drawing May into a hug. Tom cupped it in his hands and climbed the stairs to his attic bedroom next to Tally’s.
“Don’t you dare put it in my room,” Tally called after him.
“Fredrick doesn’t like your room anyway,” an immature muffled voice answered from above.
Tally rolled her eyes and sat down. Anna, May and Rich scattered himself around the house again.
“Pumpkin, will you tidy the table I have to go and cater a party,” she called, grabbing her coat off the back of the chair and scurrying out of the kitchen.


The front door slammed and echoed across the hallway. Tally sighed and drummed her fingers over the table top. She collected the first few glasses and plates, balanced them on her hands and dumped them in the sink. She walked round the table picking up glasses, pushing the chairs under the table with her hip as she past. As she seized Anna’s glass a gold glint caught her eye. She edged forwards and pulled it from underneath bellatrix’s plate.

It was a golden necklace with a delicate, thin chain. The pendant was a hearted shaped. Tally turned in between her fingers. She caught sight of a tiny hinge on the side, meaning the heart was a locket. She sat down and tried to prise it open with her nails. Unfortunately they were small and bitten. Tom had long, dirty fingernails but had just been holding his spider. Tally scrunched her nose in disgust. No one would help.
“Probably just a piece of usless holiday tat anyway” she muttered to herself.
As soon as she’d said, that the hand holding the locket went hot then numb. Tally tipped the locket out of her hand, glanced around nervously, then fled upstairs clutching her hand to her chest.

thanks for reading :D
Last edited by Blue Fairy on Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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ummmm, you should space it out alittle more cause it is hard for me to read!


>_< I'll be back when its done


:thud: please forgive me if I insulted you in anyway!




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lol you didn't insult me.

I read it back through and seperated it into more paragraphs.
It is easier to read now.
thanks.




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Hi! I like where this is going with this, and it hs potntial but I am still unsure of the plot (what you want?). Anyway, I really liked it, just a single picky grammatical error to fix:

You said:
dying to see” Aunt Esmerelda bragged.

Just stick a comma in after see.

Overall, good so far.

I am inetrersted about the necklace, and I would like to see where you take it!
We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.



The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl