EverWayward #2

Aedomir · 2008-01-20T10:59:04Z

Author's Note This is part two to the first chapter, some of you have read part one and this will not make a lot of sense unless you have. Thanks anyway, feedback would be great! Chapter One Part II “Ya!” A familiar cry sent a cold sensation up Aedomir’s spine and goose bumps erupted up his arm. As he turned around, he feared the sight that would greet him would throw him into despair. With a gradual turn, he became oblivious to the world around him and all his senses fell into oblivion. His heart skipped a beat and all that remained was pain. “Aganost!” In a dire rush, Aedomir clambered through the mob and pushed out into the clearing where Kalbarcs darted past him; apparently blind of him, as he was of them. Aedomir stretched out his arm as far it could go. Leaping now, he folded his arm into an arch and caught Aganost’s head as it tumbled helplessly down. “Aganost…” Tears welled up in his eyes, and he gingerly lowered Aganost’s head into the snow before bounding around and striking the creature. A quick glance was all that Aedomir needed to see that he would be safe from any brutes for the moment. Aganost’s great emerald eyes withered into darkness. “Please… Don’t go...” Aedomir gave in to a tear and spluttered out a few words in despair. Aganost had a gashing wound on his stomach. In fact there were several; shredding him like a patched quilt. A few long dribbles of blood ran in rhythms down his green-woven overall and melted the ice. His greasy brown hair trailed loosely from his head over the snow, and small flakes sprinkled over his face. The pale skin that dominated his body grew lighter by the second as freezing air chilled his blood. “Aedomir,” He whispered through dry lips. He gave a husky cough before continuing, “Aedomir, I want you to leave me…” Aedomir shook his head left and right, defying as bluntly as possible. “No, I’m not leaving you to–” “Yes, Aedomir. Those brave men will depart you if you don’t leave me. I am a dying man, battle or not… I would rather you surrendered me to Malwin… Such is inevitable now…” He let go of his head, and rested his cheek gingerly on the ice. Aedomir’s voice had abandoned him and trailed away into the air, leaving him immobile. “Go. That’s an order…” Aedomir reluctantly arose, eyes forever fixed upon his captain who now faded into the realm of demise. “That will not be your last order. I swear it.” Aganost’s head had now slowly turned to Aedomir. “No. My last order is this: Be careful. I now watch you from the skies…” A weak judder of his head told Aedomir that Aganost, Lord of Truth, was dead. “Goodbye...” His pink cheeks lit up with searing tears that poisoned his burning skin. With that, his senses awoke and he sombrely turned to combat. The sun is ready, Aedomir, the Guardian! He mustered the last of his mental strength and roared “The time is now!” The crowd split apart into two armies; rangers that tumbled down with clasped cloaks hiding them and Kalbarcs who turned to face Aedomir. “Goodbye wickedness!” He swirled on the spot and threw his cloak around him and the body of his master. Screams of frenzy echoed down the mountainside triggering a seismic eruption and piercing the night. The Kalbarcs would have been crushed by now. A tidal ring of power shot out from behind Aedomir and he knew that in moments, peace awaited…

JFW1415

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Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:08 pm

JFW1415 says... · Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:08 pm

Eh, I don't know what you mean by your last response. You're just deleting this chapter and starting with the second, or editing it? Either way, I've already critiqued, so just ignore me if you didn't want this. O.o I just want to be up to speed so I can critique 13 like you asked.

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Aedomir

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Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:22 pm

Aedomir says... · Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:22 pm

Oh yes! I want all the crits I can get, thanks for them.

This is chapter one as well, the first 3 chapters I am rewriting. That is up to number 8 I think.

Thanks again!

We are all Sociopaths: The Prologue

Sociopath: So • ci • o • path noun
1. Someone who believes their behaviour is right.
2. Human.

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Angel of Death

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Fri Mar 21, 2008 2:38 pm

Angel of Death says... · Fri Mar 21, 2008 2:38 pm

Okay now you have me crying. Why did Aganost have to die? Okay before I cry a river I have to tell you I'm hooked. Now I really want to know what Aedomir is going to do after his captain and friend has passed into the skies. So I'll keep my silent promise and keep reading.

True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.

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Darkhalm7_Melissa

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Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:44 pm

Darkhalm7_Melissa says... · Mon Mar 24, 2008 11:44 pm

Hmmm...I agree with Shadow Theif. This definetly wasn't as good as the first one.

Ah well. That is just an opinion on the matter...With as many reviews as you have I don't think I need to critic because I because everyone else probably covered that...

D7M

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