Black Widow

3 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 5715
Reviews 206
Black Widow

Black widow
hiding beneath the twilight of her room.
Spinning her web of deceit,
she utters a silent laugh,
echoing in the darkest corners of the day.
She weaves her pattern
of cunning ideals,
Knitting her dreadful story
of birth and death.

She hums a sombre melody,
strumming the devil's mandolin.
Her lonesome eyes stir
voices from the grave,
The lines of sin etched
right onto her face.
As she rocks her chair silently,
Her aching heart waits impatiently
for night to arrive.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 40
not the best at puntiuation but I think the first letter of every line needs to be caped
-"When God gives you lemons, you find new God" YouTube.com
-If the world is going to end soon, so be it. It can end without me. Myself
-http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?p=364993#364993 When the World Stops Spinning




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 27
I liked it! :) Great description. There's just one point that didn't seem to flow quite as well.

Her lonesome eyes stir
voices from the grave,


I really like this part:

Knitting her dreadful story
of birth and death.



The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree