Art Rivalry Pt. 2 (edited)

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Pt. 2

I watched as she slammed the door behind her. Hypocrite, I smirked.

I took out my brushes and acrylic paints. If anyone was going to win this competition, it was going to be me. She had won last time, and the time before that. And correct me if I’m wrong, but everyone should get a chance to win, right? I was just doing everyone else a favor as well as myself.

My blank canvas stood in front of me. I sat there fantasizing about the endless opportunities and choices I had on a blank canvas. I could do anything I wanted with it; turn it into a scene which someone could look at and puzzle over for hours and hours, or one which a person could pleasantly pass by.

I started painting.

My relationship with Jenny Chase wasn’t what you could even call a relationship. It was pretty much a hate-love-hate friendship…only without the love. Our rivalry started in eighth grade art class. We were both the best at art and we did anything we could to be the best. We would both never content ourselves with a tie.

“It’s either him or me Ms. Reynolds!” Jenny cried out shrilly. The grey haired teacher sitting behind the desk in front of the two children sighed. She looked from the boy to the girl; both looked as stubborn as mules.
“Look Jenny and Ron, it shouldn’t matter--.”
“Oh yes it does matter!” Ron interrupted. “Because if it’s a tie, then no ones the best. And someone should always be the best!”
“Yeah!” Jenny added, nodding her head frantically.
“Children!” Ms. Reynolds snapped, sitting up to her full height. “Don’t be ridiculous. No one needs to be the best! Art is not just some competition such as sports, art is a gift with which you express yourself.” She looked expectantly at the two kids to see whether her words had had any effect. Their faces were blank with no understanding.


Even now at the ages of seventeen, we remained rivals.

I looked at my piece. I wasn’t satisfied. I was trying to go for a Van Gough effect, but it hadn't worked out. Sighing, I cleared away my things and shoved my unfinished canvas into my shelf in the room. It was getting dark and I needed to be home before dinner. I grabbed my bag and walked out of the room, my steps echoed on the concrete floor. I hadn’t realized till now that I was near freezing. The concrete walls and floor didn’t provide much warmth, and this was besides the fact that this school always put the AC on freezing temperatures. I rushed out of the room and signed out.

Suddenly I saw Jenny. She hadn’t left after all. She was sitting outside the glass doors, reading a book. Her canvas was lying next to her backwards. Doesn’t she have a somewhere to go?

I would’ve avoided encountering her again, but this was the only way out of the building. Not even a fire escape door would help me here.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked out; the warmth from the sun melted me inside out as I walked past Jenny with out a word. I didn’t look at her but I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head and I had a feeling that the sudden cold rush of air came from her.



I parked my car in the driveway. My parents’ cars were already parked inside and I saw the lights in the kitchen and dining room table on. I killed the engine and got out, grabbing my bag as I closed the door.

“Hi honey, how did school go?” My mom asked from the kitchen. I smelled roast beef.

“It was ok.” I shrugged. I greeted my dad in the living room before running upstairs. I opened my door and found Mimi, my little sister on my computer. She looked at me in surprise and I could just see the guilt exploding in her eyes.

“Mimi! How many times do I have to tell you not to come into my room and use my things without my permission?!”

She jumped off the seat and ran out, giving me a glare before slamming the door behind her. I sighed and threw my bag on the bed. Everyone’s slamming doors today. I sat down on my computer and closed all of Mimi’s windows. She seemed to be hooked on Neopets lately. I logged on to Msn and scanned over who was online. Just the regular computer-glued-people. I put myself as busy and jumped face down on my bed.

What a day, getting yelled at by the teachers, by the coach, even by Jenny, god I need to take a break. I grabbed some loose change and my phone.

“I’m going out for a bit.” I told my mom.

“Where to? I just made dinner.” She said, frowning.

“I just remembered that I had some extra studying to do for a test tomorrow. I need to go to the library.” Wow that was lame. She looked at me suspiciously.

“I guess that means you won’t be having dinner.” She opened the oven bringing out a pan of roast beef. Mm, it was tempting.

“Yeah, I’ll just grab something to eat over there.” I shrugged. “I’ve got money.”

“Fine.” She sighed. “Just be home by curfew.” I nodded and walked out.



By ‘break’ I meant, going out drinking with a couple of my buddies and just wasting the time away. I called up Nate and Seth.

“Hey Nate, wanna go to Jimmy’s?” Jimmy’s was the local pub, the only one where the owner let high school kids like us pass for eighteen and over. I could hear loud noises over the other line.

“Oi Ron! I’m already here!” He laughed in his Australian accent.. “Seth and I as well as a couple of other guys are here.”

“Alright, I’m on my way then.” I shut the phone. Why didn’t they tell me? I sped up and drove over as fast as the speed limit allowed.



The familiar sound of shouts and music hit my ears the moment I walked in. This was the favorite spot of high school seniors who needed a ‘break’. I scanned the crowd and found Seth’s tall head sticking out from most of the others.

“Hey guys.” I yelled as I walked towards them.

“Ron!” Seth called. “Over here!” I walked past a group of giggly girls. They seemed drunk already, not to mention the number of empty green bottles rolling about on the table. The bartender gave me a wave. “How you doing Ron?” He called out as he wiped a glass.
“Good Ben.” I replied. He nodded and resumed his work.

I pushed through the crowds of people and grabbed a seat next to one of they guys and ordered a shot of vodka with red bull.

“Bills on me.” Said someone unfamiliar. I looked over at him in surprise. He was thin but tall, almost lanky but I noticed the muscles underneath is slim tee. Nate saw my surprise and walked over, throwing his arm over the guys shoulder. Immediately I saw the similarity.

“Ron, this is Garrett, my older brother.” The guy smiled at me. I smiled back and held out my hand.

“Nice to meet you.” I said. The guy shook my hand.

"G'day." he replied in an unmistakable Australian accent. How could I have missed that?

“He came for holiday, so we’re celebrating!” Nate yelled loudly. He was already tipsy. I took my drink and cheered, the glass clinked loudly and some beer spilled on Nate’s shirt. We laughed out loud.

“Mum’s gonna kill me ay!” He laughed as he took large gulps of his drink.

“Easy now mate. I haven’t come all the way from Brissy just to baby-sit you.” Garrett said as he took the drink from Nate. I laughed at how weird it was to see Nate being taken care of by his brother. Usually Nate was the one who controlled us. I leaned back over the bar and rested my elbows on the table. I took a large swig of my drink and closed my eyes as the alcohol burned its way down my throat. This is what I needed.

“Hey Ron.” I opened my eyes and turned my head and saw Seth coming my way. “I need a favor.”

“Yeah? What is it?” Seth came and sat next to me, leaning his head in.

“You know Amber yeah?” She was best friends with Jenny. I nodded and saw her in the corner sitting down and talking with Jenny. Wait. Jenny?! What is she doing here? Why hell do we keep bumping into each other?

“I need to talk to her alone, but Jenny’s with her.” I looked at Seth. I could tell where this was going. “So, I was just wondering if maybe you could…” I put my hand on Seth’s large shoulder. Even though he was a big guy, muscular wise, and would be considered good looking any day, he was incredibly shy about girls.

“Look bro, I’d like to help you and all, but you know how it is with me and Jenny.” I gave him an apologetic look. Seth shrugged. He turned around, facing the other way, his elbows resting on the tabletop. He sighed.

“I swear man, this rivalry thing you got going on with Jenny needs to stop.” He said quietly. “I mean its been going on since eighth grade! Eight grade!” he repeated. He looked at me. “All I’m saying is that maybe you guys should just… you know, come to terms somehow.” He gave me a pat on the back before getting up.

“Wait.” I said grabbing his arm. He turned back around. I grabbed my drink and gulped down the rest of it in three large swigs before slamming it back down on the table with a dull thud. I sighed at the fuzzy feeling in my head. It helped. “Alright. I’ll do it.” I got up and walked over to the two girls talking excitedly in the corner.

I cleared my throat loudly. In an instant they both looked at me. Just make it simple.

“Hey guys.” I said casually.

“Hey Ron.” Amber smiled back. Jenny just glared. She shot a look at Amber as if she was fraternizing with the enemy, which was metaphorically true. I smirked.

“Jenny, can I talk you for moment?” I said. She looked at me in surprise. Even Amber looked surprised.

“Why?” She asked narrowing her eyes.

“I just need a word.” I said. Jenny looked at me uncertainly. I could tell she was reluctant so I asked again.

“C’mon Jenny. I wont bite.” I said smiling slightly. She looked at me once and got up, pushing her chair from the table. Finally, I thought.

“Fine. Lead the way.” She motioned with her hands. I pushed through the crowds to the entrance. I looked back and gave Seth a wink. He gave me a thumbs up sign and walked over to Amber who sat alone.
Last edited by chayonz on Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:28 pm, edited 5 times in total.
h a y o n :)

nobody is perfect. thats why pencils have erasers.
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My relationship with Jenny Chase wasn’t what you could even call a relationship. It was pretty much a hate-love-hate friendship…only without the love. Our rivalry started in eighth grade art class. We were both the best at art and we did anything we could to be the best. We would both never content ourselves with a tie

A flashback here^^^ would be good. Perhaps some personal contest between them. i.e. 'I could remember that stupid little smirk on her face...' etc. :D

Now in high school and at the ages of seventeen, we were still rivals.

Sounds a little awkward. 'Even now, when we were both seventeen...' sounds better. Just reword this somehow. :D

I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked out; the warmth from the sun melted me inside out as I walked past Jenny with out a word. I didn’t look at her but I could feel her eyes boring into the back of my head and I had a feeling that the sudden cold rush of air came from her.

I parked my car in the driveway. My parents’ cars were already parked inside and I saw the lights in the kitchen and dining room table on. I killed the engine and got out, grabbing my bag as I closed the door.


Between these two paragraphs there needs to be a larger break. :D

“Mimi! How many times do I have to tell you not to come into my room and use my things without my permission?!” I yelled. She jumped off the seat and ran out, giving me a glare before slamming the door behind her. I sighed and threw my bag on the bed. Everyone’s slamming doors today. I sat down on my computer and closed all of Mimi’s windows. She seemed to be hooked on Neopets lately

Make the dialogue it's own paragraph, and take out the 'I yelled.' This will make it seem more intense, and make the reader interpret his feelings. ;)

“Hey Nate, wanna go to Jimmy’s?” Jimmy’s was the local pub, the only one where the owner let high school kids like us pass for eighteen and over. I could hear loud noises over the other line

This seems a bit too coincidential. Maybe they bumb into Jenny on the way there instead of, uh, there? :D

“Alright, I’m on my way then.” I shut the phone. Why didn’t they tell me? I sped up and drove over as fast as the speed limit allowed.

The familiar sound of shouts and music hit my ears the moment I walked in. This was the favorite spot of high school seniors who needed a ‘break’. I scanned the crowd and found Seth’s tall head sticking out from most of the others.


Again, a bigger break between scene changes. ;)

“Ron!” Seth called. “Over here!” I walked past a group of giggly girls. They seemed drunk already. I grabbed a seat next to one of they guys and ordered a shot of vodka with red bull.

A tad more description would be better here. :D

Ron!” Seth called. “Over here!” I walked past a group of giggly girls. They seemed drunk already. I grabbed a seat next to one of they guys and ordered a shot of vodka with red bull.

“Bills on me.” One of the guys whom I didn’t know said. I looked over at him in surprise. Nate saw my surprise and walked over, throwing his arm over the guys shoulder. Immediately I saw the similarity.

“Ron, this is Garrett. Me older brother.” The guy smiled at me. I smiled back and held out my hand.

“Nice to meet you.” I said. The guy shook my hand and replied in an unmistakable Australian accent. How could I have missed that?

“He came for ‘oliday, so we’re celebrating!” Nate yelled loudly. He was already tipsy. I took my drink and cheered, the glass clinked loudly and some beer spilled on Nate’s shirt. We laughed out loud.


Careful here. It's easy to get Garret, Nate, and Seth mixed up. Give each person a unique [not neccessarily totally obvious] trait. For example... uh... Seth could be extremely good looking and has trouble with fan mail.... ........... or something. :D

I gave him an apologetic look. Seth shrugged. Then he looked at me from the corner of his eye before turning around and leaning back on the table facing the other way

This sounds a little odd. I suggest you read aloud/reword. ;) Also, considering the next paragraph, I suggest that this^^^^ reaction of Seth is some sort of hint. i.e. 'Oh no... I pissed off Seth....' etc. ;)

I said holding his arm

Eh? Why is he doing this?

“C’mon Jenny. I wont bite.” I said smiling slightly. She looked at me once and got up, pushing her chair from the table. Finally

Man, that could sound bad XDXD. The end of this is cut off. :D

Overall, very good. This is one of the best works I have read from you. :D Just a few little things I saw, nothing major. A few more details, a flashback, perhaps a plot for vengeance, etc. :D Please keep writing. This is great! :smt004
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson




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tx tx tx tx!!
haha. i like it too XD. Well i shall edit it and then repost along with the pt. 3.

Im trying to keep this story as short as possible but seriously i have no idea where this story will go. :p

byeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
h a y o n :)

nobody is perfect. thats why pencils have erasers.
- unknown




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YW. :D:D:D:D I'm glad I could help :D
"How grateful we are that the heavens are indeed open, that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, and that the Church is founded on the rock of revelation. We are a blessed people, with apostles and prophets upon the earth today."~ Thomas S. Monson



all of my friends talk to me like a dog rooting through a trashcan
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