Addicted

This is a songfic using the lyrics of Addicted by Kelly Clarkson. I own the story and character's, but the song belongs to Kelly Clarkson.

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

Eleanor sat on her bedroom floor, photo’s spread all around her. Tears dripped onto them, one by one, causing Eleanor to cry anymore. Most of the photos were of him and he, but some of them were just of Eleanor after she me him, pale and blank.

He hadn’t been good to poor Eleanor. But she had needed him, and let him take the life out of her, not caring. She had stopped caring about anybody, she lived only to serve him, her master, her slave. And now that he was gone, she still needed him. Because he was the only thing that gave her life.

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

Eleanor stood up slowly and approached the closed door. She lent up against it and pummeled it with her fists, screaming out in agony. When she closed her eyes, she could only see his hands reaching out to her, and when her eyes were open everything reminded her of him. She couldn’t escape him.

“It’s not fair,” she screamed. “Get away from me! Just go!”

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

That night Eleanor slept for the first time in weeks, but it was not a happy one. Voices muttered in her head. ‘You’re nothing without me,’ they said. ‘You don’t deserve happiness. They know you did it.’

Eleanor woke up suddenly, and was sure she saw him lying next to her. His cold, pale face, eyes bulging and knife in his chest. But it was just her, he was gone, and he couldn’t hurt her anymore.

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

Eleanor tried to read, but she couldn’t. He hadn’t liked reading, didn’t allow it. She tried to watch TV, but she couldn't escape the memory of him sitting there, screaming at the set. She tried to listen to music, but the words had no meaning anymore. They went straight over her head, leaving nothing.

Eleanor was a shell of what she once was. Before she had met him she a was beautiful and lively, and now she was boring, depressed and pale. Not even her sister would talk to her, claiming that Eleanor might be her name, but she wasn’t her sister. It didn’t matter what she did, only he could help her, even when it hurt her.

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

Eleanor left the house for the first time since the funeral. Convinced everybody was staring at her, she put on dark sunglasses and a hoddie and climbed onto the bus. She knew exactly where she was going, and perhaps it would help her get over him. Maybe one last bit of him would allow her to let go forever.

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

Eleanor arrived at the graveyard and found his grave. There his name was written, Thomas Dear, 1971-2008, Loving Husband and Perfect Son.

“Loving Husband,” Eleanor muttered with scorn. People hadn’t flocked to the funeral. There were a few friends and his elderly mother; that was all. Not many people liked him.

Eleanor turned away, not able to look at the grave anymore. She left the graveyard as silently as she had come, knowing that nothing could really help her anymore.

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

So sad...

I really don't have much to critique...

There were a few spelling/grammar errors.

Vices muttered in her head.

I'm pretty sure you meant, voices, not vices.

She tried to watch TV, but he was always watching TV.

This sounded weird, I might rework it.

even hen it hurt her.

even when it hurt her.

There was a few friends an his elderly mother, but that was all. Not many liked him.

There were a few friends and his elderly mother; that was all. Not many people liked him.


This was interesting. I'm not sure I've read a songfic before. This was a first. It was, perhaps, a tad cliche and a little predictable, but I won't gig you for that.

Keep up the good work

Thanks for the crit scotty!

I've edited this, please crit!

This reads a lot like a music video would play. Perhaps that's where you met your inspiration.

I like it this way better. It's a little clearer.

One thing though, the first paragraph has mucho typos.

Instead of pointing each one out, I'll just rewrite it the way I think it was meant to go... I took a few creative liberties.


Eleanor sat on her bedroom floor, photos spread all around her. Tears dripped onto them, one by one, slowly erasing his face, but not the memories. Most of the photos were of him with her, but some of them were just of Eleanor after she met him, pale and blank.

That's the way I'd put it. Other than that, I really liked the edited version.

Goozhob.


P.S. I randomly have inserted a mustached smiley --> :#)

A few small things others haven't mentioned -

Tears dripped onto them, one by one, causing Eleanor to cry anymore. [I think you probably mean even more or much more?]

She had stopped caring about anybody, she lived only to serve him, her master, her slave. [But he's not her slave, she's his slave so it should be something like '...lived only to serve him - her master; his slave.']

She lent up against it [Might sound better as 'She fell against...'] and pummeled it with her fists, screaming out in agony.

Before she had met him she [s]a[/s] was beautiful and lively, and now she was boring, depressed and pale.

_______________________
In general, I thought this was good. Your story flowed well and it matched the song lyrics but they seemed a little too seperate. You need to try and combine them more. Rather than using the whole song, maybe you could have just a few lines quoted directly, combined with the story. I think that would be more effective because it wouldn't switch between the two, it would be as if Eleanor were the persona in the song. And it would remove the slight annoyance of starting every other paragraph with Eleanor's name.

I think you could add more description. I think you could make Eleanor's age clearer. At first she felt like a teenager to me which really didn't fit. Making lines of the song into her direct thoughts might help that but so would description of her room if it's more mature and refined. And you could mention the double bed. His side.

Add a little more to it, extend it. It's a good start and I like your choice of song and story but I think it has the potential to be better. Hope this helps a little,

Heather xx