Smile

3 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
[pre]It's the greatest gift to receive
I'll keep it forever, because I believe
For a while, you could make
That smile is all it takes

Hold on; take a perfect picture of it
A photograph; I will remember it
I'll keep it all to myself
Share only with you, no one else
How time, flys away when happiness gets its way
Give it to me again, I'll take it just the same
Maybe better, with a bow
Or envelope like a letter

Chorus:
Give it to me, like you want to
Don't hide it from me, like you would do
I'll take it, with a frown
I'll open it, turn my face upside down
Smile, to me would to smile to me
wipe away all my tears, from all of those stupid fears
Smile, to me, smile, to me

Maybe if your ever gone
I may share your gift, and pass it on
I hope you will be happy for me
And those I give to, they receive

Chorus[/pre]




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1240
Reviews 79
This was pretty good. But, it sounded too much like a poem. The chorus is too repetitive. You should make it longer. give more emotion. Tell what's going on. I really like it. But, have different ideas in there. I would suggest twiking the chorus. XD Hope this helped!

Happy editing!

Jamie




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 22
omg i really like this song

i really didnt know the tempo

so i put it in my own way

and it was just great

i really liked it

i like that you are holding on

to the picture i could imagine

the music video in my head

while i was singing it

it was so good

maybe we can pair up and write

songs together



Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore