help

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 10

Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:17 am

CrimsonRose says... · Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:17 am

help
is this a reasonable start to the beginning of a 2000 work story based on Shakespeare's sonnet

His eyes, so perfectly bright and lovely, never look at me. They’re always flittering and gliding over some lucky stranger who oozes femininity.
He, being the object of my affections, so graceful and talented in the art of bewitching any such person who would gaze in his direction.

"Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun."

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Sleeping Valor

Gender

Points 1478

Reviews 220

Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:21 am

Sleeping Valor says... · Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:21 am

Don't you mean "He, being the object of my affection, is so graceful and talented..."?

And it looks good to me, but then again that's because I assume you mean "word story and not "work story" which makes no sense to me. =P It might help if you told us which sonnet the story is being based on, or is there only one? (My lack of knowledge on the matter is exactly why my opinion might not be helpful =P)

I'm like that song stuck in your head; I come and I go, but never truly dissapear.

And apparently I also write a blog.

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