Reasons

Is there a reason I am here?
What makes me a human,
A person who has emotion
And independent thought.

Life is so complicated sometimes.
Sometimes so simple it's complicated.
I just wish there was something
That could separate me from the others.

One single thing that would
Make me different from him.
I'm always up against his competition,
Trying to beat or equal his life.

I will find something that shows us apart.
I can be what I want to be,
And I will be my own person,
An individual human being like the rest of them.

Hmm. My problem with this poem is that it's a little too broad. It has a stream-of-consciousness feel to it, and that's not necessarily a good thing in your poetry.

Abstract v. concrete images. Instead of talking about life or the meaning of life in the abstract, it's much easier for the reader if you present your ideas in a way they can grab on to.

Life is so complicated sometimes.
Sometimes so simple it's complicated.

That's great and all, but does it put a picture in our heads? Does it show us anything? Instead of saying, "Life is complicated because it's simple," which is abstract, you could tell a story or describe a moment in time in which apparent simplicity was actually complex--a handshake, a touch, a conversation with deeper implications.

Being specific.

One single thing that would
Make me different from him.
I'm always up against his competition,
Trying to beat or equal his life.

Who's "he"? This is something your poem should make apparent. It's strange that his person is only included in one stanza of the poem--again, it jumps from topic to topic too much.

What makes me a human,
A person who has emotion
And independent thought.

Do you think there could be more to being a human than this? My cat has emotion and independent thought.

Good luck!
-Colleen

It's too vague to be really powerful. Right now, you have a rambling, image-less poem and there seems to be no feeling involved. Take a deep breath. What do you intend to sa with this poem? Make a list of tangible things you can describe whatever you want. Then, using those images, create a poem that portrays what you want.

Good luck!

There is no rule to say there needs to be a general amount of imagery. Imagery is only one particular tool, this isn't a painting - we rely on many other senses. Poetry more often than not uses imagery to convey depth of meaning rather than simply creating a visible picture in our minds eye. I can appreciate the stream of consciousness approach. The intangibility of questioning and search for an answer to the seemingly obvious, could not be better portrayed artistically in any other form than a poem.

I do agree there is little feeling involved, and this needs to be remedied. "Humans" are creatures of sentiment, and need to be related to in such terms, that is the author/poet to his/her reader. Queen Defeatist had it right saying that you should think a little more carefully about what you want to say, then choose the appropriate words. I think the scope is fine, not too broad, just needs definition. Poetry has no rule in which it must cater soley to our visual interpretations. Like I said - Humans are creatures of sentiment - display this sentiment, with definition and imagery is not necessary (given the theme of the poem).

i thinnk its ok.....its really interesting ..... it gives me a feeling of......i dont know....come back to me later.....

Hi Cathy--

My biggest problem with this piece is as follows. Read it like this right quick:

Is there a reason I am here? What makes me a human, a person who has emotion and independent thought. Life is so complicated sometimes. Sometimes so simple it's complicated. I just wish there was something that could separate me from the others. One single thing that would make me different from him. I'm always up against his competition, trying to beat or equal his life. I will find something that shows us apart. I can be what I want to be, and I will be my own person, an individual human being like the rest of them.

...notice how it makes complete sense in a paragraph? That shouldn't happen. Every sentence is a complete sentence...it makes it too concrete. There needs to be images that seperate from the piece...that makes the reader think. This right now is just a paragraph...it's doesn't really have enough poetic elements in it for it to be considered a poem really. Make sense? Probably not..haha.

Happy Editing!