In Between(Part one)

"I still can't believe he's really gone. He's always been here, with me. I'm almost mad at him for leaving, even though he couldn't help it." Jene Samson wrote in here journal. She had just gotten back from the burial. "I haven't been the same since he left. I know it was just an accident, but it just seems so wrong. He was only thirteen. He shouldn't have to go. I wish I hadn't seen it happen. All that worry, the trip to the Emergency room, all to find out that he was gone and there was nothing that could be done." Jene jumped startled out of her thoughts by a knock on her door.

She quickly stuffed the journal back into her pillow case and yelled,"Come in." The door opened and there stood Susan, Jenes foster mom, still in her black dress clothes as Jene was.

"Jene dinners ready. Why don't you change and come down?"

"I'm not hungary." Jene said stubornly.

"Jene" said Susan sweetly, coming in and sitting on the bed next to her. 'I know your upset about Seth, but you've hardly eaten since he died and..."

"Don't say that!" Jene yelled jumping off her bed, temper rising. "Don't say he's dead. Just don't! He... He..."her voice trailed off into sobs.

"Jene, it's okay." Susan said getting up and hugging her. "I know it is hard losing someone. My mother died when I was just about your age. You two have only been living with us for a few months but I have grown very attached to both of you, and it is difficult to lose one of you."

Jene looked up, tears streaming down her face."But have you ever lost your twin brother." Jene said choking back her sobs.

"Well I have never had a twin or a brother, but I imagine that it must be very hard."

"Honey, you comeing down." said Bill, Jenes foster dad said popping his head in, looking at Susan.

"Yea, I'm coming."Susan said giving Jene one final squeeze nd walking out. Jene just stood there thinking about Susan, herself, and Seth, all subjects bringing tears to her eyes.




Note to the reader:I know this doesn't seem very much like Fantasy, but it will when you read the other parts.

i like this story a lot. i felt bad for Jene at first but then when i found out it was her twin i was shocked and extremely sympathetic. i was sad to have it end so please do post more. im new here too and sometimes its hard to get your story off the ground but i will definitely be looking for future threads of this story!

This is really sweet and sad. It's not quite long enough to give a full critique, but that's okay--it's better than too long! I think that the way you started with a journal entry is a wonderful was to 'show' rather than 'tell.' In other words, you have the reader the information without saying something like. "My brother died. I am sad." I do have one little suggestion, though: that you put the journal entries in italics so that it's more clear... but that's just a matter of opinion, of course.

He shouldn't have to go.

This should be He shouldn't have had to go.

'I know your upset about Seth, but you've hardly eaten since he died and..."

Firstly, the first quote is a single quote and everything else in this piece is a double quote--you should fix that. Also, I don't know about you but this struck me as a kind of inconsiderate thing to say. Try to imagine someone saying that...

"But have you ever lost your twin brother."

This should be a question (with a question mark) instead of a statement (with a period)

"Honey, you comeing down."

Firstly, it should be 'coming' (without the 'e') and secondly... I think this should have a question mark too
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Very good story, overall! Please PM me when you post more!
~Azila~

this really is a sweet story...I feel really bad for Jene...

One note: there were a couple of convention errors (ex. "hungary" instead of "hungry"). I also get the feeling that the foster parents aren't very understanding...I'm under the assumption that grown-ups usually understand about the loss of a loved one, especially if its a sibling. What I'm saying is that their reaction seems a bit...unsympathetic. I don't know if that's what you intended.

Keep up the good work!