Alpha Galaxy Chapter 2 Part 1

Yet again this is another half of a part, so check back for the other half.

Lethero sat on a branch of a tree at the entrance of the base to the Moon Rider’s base as two humans came running in. They were both out of breath, one was in rags, and the other was holding a knife in his hand. “Kilon, tell me you didn’t kill another Werewolf,” Lethero said as he dropped out of the tree. Both humans jumped, but calmed when they saw who it was.

“No just knocked one unconscious,” Kilon said, letting his dislike for Lethero show. He ran his fingers through his dark hair that swept over his pale skin. “I only spared the bastards life because Irlon here wouldn’t let me kill him. He has soft heart for our slaverers.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Lethero said. He turned to Irlon and said, “Good to see you got out of the cage. I would ask you to tell me how, but I don’t have the time nowadays.”

“You get that Werewolf who worked at the store?” Irlon asked. Lethero noticed that his normally loud and optimistic voice was gone and replaced by someone who new the meaning of pain.

“Sadly, no, but I did give him to the address to this place incase he changes his mind.”

“Damn it, Lethero,” Kilon shouted, “you should of just tell those damn Devil’s Sons where we are.”

“Orlam won’t give us away,” Lethero said, as if it were a fact everyone knew.

“How can you be sure of that? It’s hard to tell two of you apart, let alone who’s a Moon Rider or Devil’s Son. How do you know he ain’t one?”

“You have to trust me on this. If anything happens to this base I will take full responsibility.” Lethero knew these humans weren’t very trusting. After being slaves to the Werewolves for thousands of years wasn't easy to forgive.

About a hundred years ago a group called Moon Riders found the first group of domesticated humans. They were smarter than the Werewolves took them for and the Moon Riders accepted this. They believed that this should be kept silent so they did not tell of the humans, but started preparing for them the means of a revolution. Where the Devil’s Sons came from, no one knew, but it was said they were a group of Moon Riders who didn’t want this revolution to come and would stop at nothing to kill all ntelligent humans.

"Well," Kilon said, pulling Lethero slightly out of his thoughts, "do you think this Orlam will help us?"

"I'm sure he will," Lethero said, his mind still elsewhere. "He just needs something to convince him." Lethero pulled out of his thoughts and looked at Kilon's devilish smile. "And we are not to use violence, Kilon. I think he needs to see our cause clearly. Maybe it's time we move out into the open."

"It's too risky," Irlon said, "the Devil's Sons are sure to have the Alphas on their side. And they're sure to have someone in the Moon Riders by now. If we start before we weed out spies, then we'll have an army to face."

A few spelling mistakes (new-->knew, ntelligent-->intelligent) but overall it's good. The plot is explained clearly and it interests me. I shall go find Chapter 1 and see what it's about. I like it. Perhaps give some physicaly description of Lethero? Or it might be in the first Chapter which I have yet to read. Good start though, keep it up!!

Hey, Ash! Let's see what happens next! Hehehe...

Lethero sat on a branch of a tree at the entrance of the base to the Moon Rider’s base as two humans came running in.

This seems repetitive and long. Lethero sat on a tree branch near the entrance of the Moon Rider's base as two humans ran inside. Maybe?

They were both out of breath, one was in rags, and the other was holding a knife in his hand.

Replace the first comma with a double dash. (--)

Both humans jumped, but calmed when they saw who it was.

Both humans jumped at...what? His low growl behind his words? Or you could put ..., causing them to jump. in the previous sentence. This might be a better idea.

“No, just knocked one unconscious,” Kilon said, letting his dislike for Lethero show.

..." Kilon said bitterly, glaring at Lethero with disgust. This may be better, or you could think of something better to fit your writing.

He has a soft heart for our slaverers.”

Lethero noticed that his normally loud and optimistic voice was gone and replaced by someone who new the meaning of pain.

Bravo!

“Sadly, no, but I did give him [s]to[/s] the address to this place [s]incase[/s] in case he changes his mind.”

“Damn it, Lethero,” Kilon shouted, “you should've [s]of[/s] just [s]tell[/s] told those damn Devil’s Sons where we are.”

It’s hard to tell the two of you apart, let alone who’s a Moon Rider or Devil’s Son. How do you know he ain’t one?”

Assuming you're talking about Orlam and Lethero, put that word in there. If not, then the word 'you' shouldn't be there, personalizing the statement.

If anything happens to this base, I will take full responsibility.”

[s]After[/s] being forced as slaves to the Werewolves for thousands of years wasn't easy to forgive.

Is that better? I think it is, but it's up to you.

About a hundred years ago, a group called Moon Riders found the first group of domesticated humans.

I'd rephrase this because of the repetition of 'group.' About a hundred years ago, a group of domesticated humans called themselves the Moon Riders, planning on rebelling against their captors. Something like this. You'd know what to do. ^_^

...and would stop at nothing to kill all intelligent humans.

"It's too risky," Irlon said, "the Devil's Sons are sure to have the Alphas on their side.

"It's too risky," Irlon said. "The Devil's Sons..."

Your writing is greatly improving, Ash. I'm very proud of you! There were a couple typos and a couple sentences that can be adjusted. Overall, though, your story's developing quite well. I haven't been excited for a Werewolf story yet! Good job. There's really nothing else to say.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

This is short I know, but I think this will end Ch2 so either look for Part 2 or Ch3. Not sure yet.

"Isn't that what humans wanted?" Lethero said, raising an eyebrow. "I remember when some humans wanting to go to war as soon as they got a gun for every one of you." Lethero sat down at a bench at the entrance and continued, "But it isn't my decision. It's all up to your Alphas."

"Leader, you mean," Kilon said bitterly. "Don't compare us to your race."

"Sorry for being rude," Lethero said defensively, "but anyways, I must go. I think it's time to show Orlam something."

Lethero walked away from the entrance, but as he passed the two humans Kilon grabbed his shoulder. "Don't give us away."

"Do I ever?"

"There's always a first. Don't get to soft on that Wolf, he could be a Devil's Son for all we know."

"I know Orlam isn't. Trust me for once, please." And without a further word spoken Lethero walked away. Not until Lethero's tail disappeared behind a bush did the humans walk into the base.

Hey, Ash! Glad to see this is up already! *reads*

"I remember when some humans [s]wanting[/s] wanted to go to war as soon as they got a gun for every one of you."

Lethero sat down [s]at[/s] on [s]a[/s] the bench [s]at the [/s] in front of [or something else that may fit] entrance and continued, [I'd probably put a period here] "But it isn't my decision. It's all up to your Alphas."

"Leader, you mean," [Bluch, I don't like this quote. Put this in words a human would say toward a werewolf. ] Kilon said bitterly. "Don't compare us to your race."

Lethero walked away from the entrance, but as he passed, the two humans Kilon grabbed his shoulder. "Don't give us away."

"There's always a first. Don't get too soft on that Wolf, [Double dash (--)] he could be a Devil's Son for all we know."

"I know Orlam isn't. Trust me for once, please." [s]And[/s] without a further word spoken, Lethero walked away

Good ending. ^^ You didn't write much, so there's not much to critique on, lol. Just watch your dialogue. Make sure it's realistic for the character itself to say it. Er...I can't think of anything else. Good job!

Jabber, the One and Only!