The chicken was judging me…again. Except now, it smoked and sizzled in a silver platter at the center of our grand table. It should have smelled delicious to me, but all I could inhale was the scent of blood. I pushed my plate away from me with my fork and cast my eyes over to my father. He grubbed hungrily at his beans and rice, not a care in the world. I could feel my eye twitch.
“Elizabeth, what’s wrong with you? Eat your supper.” I shook my head carefully as I read his tense body language.
“I’m not hungry. I-I had a big lunch.” He contemplated me for a moment but eventually went back to his plate, taking a thirsty swig of red wine before talking again.
“Where’ve you been all day? You look a little tired.” I shook my head furiously opening my eyes wide and sitting up straight.
“Not tired at all. Where’s mother?” I asked softly. I looked up to meet his eyes, glaring at me from behind a chicken leg and gulped.
“She’s in her room…crying her eyes out over a damned mirror.” I tried to look surprised but I could tell I looked afraid more than anything. I gulped and got up from the table.
“I’m supposed to meet Becka in my rooms so she can pick out my gown for tomorrow.” I said quickly and turning around to make a quick getaway. I heard his cough from behind me and swung back around.
“Did you have anything to do with the broken mirror, Elizabeth?” I hesitated with my answer, afraid now that he was getting up from his seat and slowly making his was towards me. He was just like a panther with his large figure and fluid movements. It was too bad that his stealth had been disrupted tonight. He took my silence as a yes, and by now he was close enough to hear my quick breathing. He looked angry for a moment, but then his mouth twitched a little in a gesture that suggested a smile. He wrapped his pudgy sausage like fingers around my waist and pulled me close to him. His hot breath smelled decayed and musty from his nightly cigar. I held my breath and looked away from him.
“That’s alright.” He hissed in my ear. I kept my eyes focused on the candles in the center of the table dimming slowly. The room took on an even deeper red than before. As the darkness took over it looked like the walls were melting. Suddenly it was overly hot. I looked back in the eyes of the monster that held me, trying to keep the look of disgust from my face and hardly managing it. “Your mother doesn’t know that she has finer things in her life. She has to keep all of her attention on inanimate objects such as her mirrors, her jewelry and such…You love your father don’t you?” He sounded like he needed to here that I loved him. The desperation in his voice only made it easier for me to keep silent. Instead I raised my head in defiance and looked him directly in the eye.
He stared back harder, a new glint sparkling in his eyes and then lowered his lips to my neck hungrily. I tried to keep my whimpers quiet as they molded and scaled the contours of my shoulder and then crawled their way to my chin. My stomach convulsed within me and my legs were weak. I tried my best to stay empty, pushing away all the feelings that I was having but it was useless. He pushed my back against the table forcefully and then slid his hips against mine, the bulge in his pants resting against my thigh and his fingers venturing under my skirts. I panicked and pulled back but he growled and stuck his nails into my back so that I’d stay put.
Tears trailed down my cheeks. He wouldn’t let me go. I’d have to find some way to make him before this got too far and I was left to confess my sins to Father Pegrew…just as I had seen so many girls my age do before. I shook my arm loose from his hold and then let it search behind me at the table. I had to find something there. There must be something that could hurt hi—I touched something cold and sharp. The steal slid beneath my fingers until I got a tight hold on the wooden handle and then closed my eyes and swung it forward with all the force I had.
There was silence for what seemed like forever and I was almost afraid to open my eyes. Had I killed him? Oh no. If I’d killed him--! But no, I couldn’t have. He still clung to me, even though the kissing and the feeling had stopped. I opened my eyes and my breath caught in my throat. I’d let go of the blade…but his face hadn’t. It stuck vertically from his left eye to his left cheek, not completely imbedded, not enough to kill. But it was enough for me to escape. Then why wasn’t I?
I stared on at him, full of a mixture of feelings I couldn’t describe. It was almost a high to know that I had inflicted so much pain, I had broke the skin and caused him to bleed everywhere. It was something I had never done, and I wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t like I had killed him. So technically it wasn’t a sin. It was self defense. But, oh who cared! I couldn’t get in trouble for this, no one cared!
I smiled a little to myself, my heart fluttering when I pushed him and he slid to the floor with a thud, gagging and writhing on the floor. I couldn’t let him die there. That would be murder. Instead I screamed at the top of my lungs and waited until the maids came in, taking their own fervent screams before calling the doctors to drive him away. I let out a few more wails and some tears, I think I even muttered that I’d loved him and hoped that he would be alright. I don’t remember though. Afterward I went up to my room and settled in my bed smiling and knowing that I was more than a fragile child, that I could cause pain and still be in the eyes of God. I could do whatever I wanted.
~
I’m gorgeous, I thought as I stared into the mirror. Everything about me was so perfect and in every way. No wonder my father loved me so much. The girl that was reflected back at me smiled in satisfaction. In the morning light that snuck through my window, my features glowed. My soft auburn curls that tumbled down my face and set contrast with my pale complexion. My eyes were draped in long lashes and my lips a natural deep red. It wasn’t just my face that I admired, though it was the feature that I obsessed over most. I also loved my figure. I had always been very tall, skinny, and fragile looking. I didn’t have breasts, but, it was for the better. They would only make me look heavy after all.
The air that I had about me was almost…seducing. And I was only thirteen. I could only imagine how well my beauty would flower when I was fully grown and developed. Just the thought of it sent shivers up my spine.
I turned away from the mirror regretfully so that Becka could put me in one of my gowns. It was one of my favorite; gray silk with a skirt that made my already elegant walk turn into that of floating. I was going to see Father Pegrew. I needed to confess. Not about what I had done to my father of course, for that was between me and God myself, but about the dreams I’d been having lately. Every night after I had hurt my father I had dreams of aging and turning ugly. Dreams about the horse that he had hurt. Dreams about Jeffrey. They were of all sorts and all different fears and I was becoming agitated with them. The strain that they put on me were starting to show in my face. My eyes were a little redder from lack of sleep, and my cheeks drooped a little. I had to confess immediately and make things right again.
When Becka finished dressing me I ran out of the room without thanking her and down the stairs and out through the backyard where I knew the chapel lay not too far ahead. My shoes clacked on the ground. It had rained. I pulled my cloak around my shoulders and over my head breathing in the fresh damp air. These were the only times that I was actually allowed outside.
I closed my eyes to walk the rest of the way. I knew the way by heart I had gone to confess so many times. Not because I was a bad child, but because I had a strong conscience that haunted me all the time. It was hard to keep God on your side in the world that I lived on and I wanted to make sure that I reserved my spot in heaven.
I stopped walking. The air was stronger and different. The damp smell had vanished into one that smelled of rotten fish heads. My eyes snapped open and I held my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. It was the Chestnut that I had seen in the woods. It’s belly was swollen and sewn shut, gore leaking from the poor stitching and flies buzzing around it’s stomach and open eyes. Its tongue lolled from its mouth in defeat.
I turned away quickly and ran to the bushes where I vomited whatever I had eaten last and then more. He’d really done it! He’d really put a grown man inside of a horses belly! Oh how much more I hated him now that I knew my suspicions were true! He was terrible.
I dug my nails into my scalp and got down on my knees crying out a rushed prayer for both the horse and the man and then running the rest of the way to the chapel drenched. I had more to confess than I thought I did. Though, I wasn’t sure if all of them were my own sins, or if any of them were for that matter. I just needed to get the pictures out of my head.
The door slammed into the wall when I swung it open but I cared little for it now. No one ever came into the church except for me mostly. Unless someone died, the place was one for my lessons. I ran to the confessional and sat down where Father Pegrew slid the window open. I didn’t even bother to look up at him, or say any other words except for “Forgive me father…for I have sinned.” He was quiet as I rambled on about the dreams I’d been having and then the thoughts I had about Jeffrey and finally I came to those about my father.
“I witnessed something father.” I gulped. “I’m not sure if they’re my sins to confess. I just need to get them out.” I looked up at him for the first time and saw his shadow nod behind the screen. “I was in the woods a few days ago, I was on my way home.” I closed my eyes and shook my head. Just stop, I told myself, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. But then I reminded myself that whatever I said would be kept between me and Father Pegrew.
“Go on child. The lord will forgive all of your sins.” He assured in a deep knowing tone. I nodded in understanding.
“I saw my father in the woods, with another man…and they were operating, on a horse.” I looked up. “They were putting a man in its stomach, and I watched it happen!” I yelled quickly, new tears welling up in my eyes. Father Pegrew was very quiet for a moment and then I heard the door on the other side of the confessional open and he came out to look at me. A withered old man with wise creased eyes and a tall gangly figure. He was frightening to everyone else but me. To me he was my passage to God.
He took a deep breath out then swiftly smacked his hand into my cheek. I hadn’t seen it coming. He’d hit me so hard I tasted blood in my mouth. He’d hit before of course, when I hadn’t obeyed him in my lessons but never so hard, and never across the face! I stared at him in complete and utter shock. Could he do that?
“Don’t you ever speak of that again child!” He whispered harshly, his face and voice shaking in rage. All I could do was nod. “Now get out of the church and tell no one of this! It’s a sin to tell others’ sins!”
“I-I didn’t know Father, I apologize.” I stuttered, getting up from my seat and backing towards the door.
“Very well then. You didn’t know. Now leave and do as I said.” The look of disappointment that he had on his face stung. If that was a sin, then there was so many more things that I had to confess for! I turned away from his cruel stare and ran to the door bumping over a table on my way. I turned back to pick it up but saw that it wasn’t the only thing that I had knocked over. Next to the table was a bloody pair of gloves and a face mask; the same that the doctor was wearing in the woods. Father Pegrew. My eyes widened in horror and ran straight out of the church, past the horse, and back to the manor. I had a strong urge to read the bible.
The opening wasn't as funny since it was repeated, but the fact that it was in a different context cuz now it's a dead chicken was quite interesting and creative of you. The father character confused me at the beginning because he was saying how his wife should realize there are more important things than mirrors and I thought that was wise but then he turns around and molests her... But I like it, I'm curious to see what happens next!
