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I recommend NEVER using the "pre" setting for posting your stories on these forums. It makes the text in a really weird font that (I think) is really hard on the eyes. Rather than using "pre" I suggest just posting the text as is and spacing the paragraphs out.

The version below has the font and spacing fixed and also has my comments (italics) and my suggested changes (bold).

R. J. Hoffman wrote:Wind ripped at his face, howled like a thing tormented. All he could see was a wall of snow through squinted eyes, eyes in a face stinging from cold as much as the wind-whipped snow.

Minute went by that seemed like hours and hours that seemed like years until all sense of time lapsed and there was no telling how long he sat there, motionless.

Then as suddenly as the blizzard had begun,[<--note that I added a comma there] it broke, like a wave on rock. Hours [s]more still[/s] went by were he seldom noticed the numbed fingers and toes that had lost feeling. [<--that is a little repetitive... saying "numbed" implies that they had lost feeling. You should delete one or the other of the underlined sections]

Then he saw it, a stag striding majestically through the waist-deep snow.

He new what he must do to this beautiful creature, even as he emptied his mind of all emotion fed it into a flame until it was burned away and he mentally floated in a void of nothingness. [<--I don't understand that sentence. >.< If I did I might be able to help you with it... but I really don't understand what you're trying to say.] Even as he raised his bow to full draw and felt the fletching of his arrow brush his cheek, the deer tensed [s]at the noise of his bow[/s] and looked at him. In a heartbeat he met its eyes that seemed to peer into his very sole and knew what was about to happen.

He released the arrow.

Time seemed to slow and freeze as the arrow left the bow and he [I think you should replace this "he" here with something like "the hunter" or "the boy/man" or something. ^_~]could see every hair on the stag. The arrow pierced the bucks hide, seemed to sprout from the space behind its upper arm. He felt it, felt the feeling of broad head slicing through veins and flesh towards its heart as if it was his own. Then it ceased. the buck was down but it seemed as if he [<--again, I think you should use something other than "he"] had shot himself and felt the pain of taking a life , but words managed to wiggle their way into his consciousness.

He did not do wrong but it would be wrong when he stopped feeling pain from killing.

Overall, very touching piece. I really like the conclusion. I think it would be a little better if it was told in 1st person (I, me, mine, etc.) than in 3rd person (he, him, his, etc.) but that's just a matter of opinion.

Hope this helps!

~Azila~

Hello, R. J. Hoffman. ^^ Thought I'd stop by and see what you are willing to present to us. (I'm gonna rip, tear, and smile the whole time )

Forgive me for any repeated comments.

Wind ripped at his face, howled like a thing tormented.

Using 'thing' in this instance makes it seem the author has no idea what he's talking about. The wind whipped at his face, howling like a tormented animal.

All he could see was a wall of snow through squinted eyes, eyes in a face stinging from cold as much as the wind whipped snow.

This second part is awkward. He could barely see through the wall of snow through squinted eyes; his face was getting frostbitten from the whirling snow around him. Maybe? Adjust to how you need it, but this sounds a bit smoother.

Passing [?] minutes [s]went by that [/s] seemed like hours, and hours [s]that seemed[/s] like years, until all sense of time lapsed and there was no telling how long he sat there,[s]-motionless-[/s] motionless.

Then as suddenly as the blizzard had begun, it broke, like a wave on rock. [I realize Azila pointed this out. I didn't notice it, though, 'til she pointed out. I agree with her ^^] Hours more still went by were he seldom noticed [s]the [/s] his numbed fingers and toes [s]that had lost feeling[/s].

Then he saw it, [colon instead ^^] a stag striding majestically through the waist deep snow.

I've never hunted before, but can a stag stride through such tall snow? He would have to push through it, wouldn't he? Or was he striding atop the snow?

He new what he must do to this beautiful creature, even as he emptied his mind of all emotion fed it into a flame until it was burned away and he mentally floated in a void of nothingness.

This is a run-on and, taking Azila as an example, confuses the reader. He rid himself of all emotion, his mind floating in a void of nothingness. He knew what he had to do to such a majestic animal, and he wouldn't get any of his emotions in the way. This last part of the last sentence was thought off the top of my head and stinks badly. Still, it gives you a better idea.

Even as he raised his bow to full draw felt the fletching of his arrow brush his cheek, the deer tensed at the noise of his bow and looked at him.

It's, again, awkward, even with the words you excluded. He only raised his bow, the fletching of his arrow tickling his cheek, and the deer tensed, looking straight at him. This still seems a bit long, but, again, it gives an idea.

[s]in[/s] In a [s]heart beat[/s] heartbeat, he met its eyes that seemed to [s]peer[/s] gaze [?] into his very [s]sole[/s] soul and knew what was about to happen, [period] he released the arrow.

Time seemed to slow and freeze as the arrow left the bow and he could see every hair on the stag.

These are two completely different points and shouldn't be combined in one sentence, let alone next to each other, unless you have a means of smoothing it out. I mean, he's standing a distance away from the stag, right? Even if time really stopped, he wouldn't be able to see every hair on its back.

The arrow pierced the bucks hide, [s]seemed[/s] seeming to sprout from the space behind its upper arm.

He felt it, felt the feeling of broad head slicing through veins and flesh towards its heart as if it was his own.

I thought the stag was the subject until you ended with the underlined portion. The hunter could imagine the force of the broad head slicing through his flesh and veins for the heart.

Then it ceased. [s]the[/s] The buck was down. [s]but it[/s] It seemed as if he had shot [s]him self[/s] himself, though, and felt the pain of taking a life, but words managed to wiggle their way into his consciousness.

I agree with Azila with the fact that you should vary the name of your character from 'he'. Use 'the hunter,' 'the boy,' 'the novice hunter,' or even a name.

He did not do wrong, but it would be wrong [s]when[/s] if he stopped feeling pain from killing.

Overall, it is a very nice piece of work. Besides some possible sentence rewrites and grammar shtuff, you got a good work here. It's a nice flash-fic. I'm not much of a hunter, but I certainly felt for the hunter. The main issues:

He could use a title or a name, the hunter. I get the hunter mixed up with the stag a lot. Titles will help a lot in clearing that up.

Azila recommends first person. It really doesn't matter what PoV you use, as long as you use it well. You can certainly stick with third person. We'll just have to make some adjustments. First person is also effective, but, again, it's a different way of writing and will take many adjustments. It's up to you.

I like this! I hope my review helped. Keep in mind that they're suggestions, you can always decline them.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hmm... it was pretty good.

Aside from what Jabberhut and Azila said, when you said "The arrow pierced the bucks hide," you might want to make "buck's hide", and when you put "he sat there,-motionless-.", you might want to drop the last -. Lastly, when you put "He did not do wrong but it would be wrong when he stopped feeling pain from killing", you might want to put a , somewhere in there.

Well, hope it helped.