Fifteen Eternal Candles (Chapter 1, Scene 4)

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Author's note: A really short scene! I'm terribly sorry, but the next one really drags on and on and I cannot split it. So please for readers like KittyKat: Enjoy this piece, the next one is much larger.

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Gathered in the dining room, the six figures of the Pencharmer house took their respective seats at the table. Father and daughter took their rightful place at the top of the table, leaving the Alders opposite of Constance and Avalon. As the custom was, Avalon took the seat nearest to Pencharmer.

Wearing a formal suit was usually required, but Avalon was a minor exception. Clad in white robes of fine silk, he was horrible out of place in a room filled of black suits and Victoria's formal blue dress. With long hair he resembled more of a lady then any man, his softness and delicate appearance was surely one of never knowing hardship or labor. No more expressive then his words were his peaceful eyes that gazed at everyone, a warmth of sunshine in a darkened manor. Fumbling around with silverware and consistently guided by Constance's nods, he enjoyed a simple meal of soup and meat stew that was easy on his weak body.

Pencharmer cut into a large steak with a sharp knife and gently stabbed a piece with his fork and savored the rich taste before swallowing and asking, “Would you care to get some fresh air?”

Avalon nodded softly as Victoria answered for him, “I will take him into town for shopping.”

Pencharmer's gaze fell onto his daughter and to her pendant, “Victoria, your pendant isn't shining-”

“I'm sorry, father. It stopped when I talked with Avalon.” Interrupted Victoria.

Pencharmer shook his head, “I see. In any case, it seems as if your heart as already been tied with our guest in his short visit.”

Victoria blushed red and Avalon looked away sharply, both denying it together with a stern, “No way!”

Pencharmer nodded softly as Mrs. Alder chimed in, “How wonderful.”

Red faced and gripping her fork in hand, Victoria stabbed a cherry and ate it in anger. Mrs. Alder's giggle only angered Victoria more as she hurried through lunch. Boiling just under the surface, she was the first one to stand and ask, “Thank you for the meal. May I be excused, father?”

Constance smiled widely with his eyes wide on her, his wrinkled face straining to maintain its dignified state in anticipation of Pencharmer's response. Mr. and Mrs. Alder exchanged little grins to each other as Pencharmer placed his index finger on his cheek and stared off into space.

“Very well, Victoria. Will you be taking Avalon with you?”

Victoria reached over and grabbed Avalon's left hand dragging him up while he was trying to eat. Squirming weakly, Avalon tried to resist, but was overwhelmed by Victoria's forcefulness.

Weakly saying, “Thank you for the meal.” Avalon was dragged out of the dining room by Victoria still clenching the spoon in his hand. Victoria dragged him through the front door and slowly closed it on Avalon's butt before shouting, “BASTARD!”

Swiftly kicking the air and jabbing with her fists she cried out, “Ass! Why does he do that!”

Turning around to Avalon and poking him hard in the chest with each word she drove it into him, “I don't love you! You get me into trouble. Don't embarrass me! And don't look so stupid!”

Flicking his head with her thumb and middle finger, Avalon threw his hands into his white robes and grumbled, “That's not nice, Victoria.”

Starting to walk down the long road towards the town center, Victoria threw her arms into the air and cried out, “Be like a man. No complaints.”

Slowly walking side by side down the road, Avalon and Victoria stared up at the clear blue sky with only a few patches of cirrus clouds. The fresh spring air blowing against them from the sea, their air gently swaying back and forth against the wind. Meadows of wildflowers lined the stone pathway to the town. The glorious fields were filled with a variety of reds, blues and butter yellows. Dandelion seeds blew in the wind and fluttered in the air as little brown rabbits darted across the path in front of Avalon and Victoria's feet.

“Thanks, Avalon.” Victoria said, staring down at the path as a little rabbit darted into the safety of the wildflowers.

Avalon tilted his head towards her and replied, “For what?”

Victoria shook her head and laughed, “Never mind. Its not important.”




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Ha first review!!!!
hmmmm
hmmmm
nope i dont see anything but maybe
its cause it's 3:33
and i'm tired
haha
well it was good considering yes it was very short
try to make them longer will ya
(i feal weird saying that considering it my problem too!)




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this scene is really good. i couldn't find many big things to critique just small suggestions.

Father and daughter took their rightful place at the top of the table


I don't think you need the word rightful. In the previous sentence you have said their respective seats and usually the top of the table is for the most important people so that word would be pointless.


his softness and delicate appearance was surely one of never knowing hardship or labor.


his sentence doesn't flow as much as it could. instead of saying; surely one of never knowing hardship or labor you could say- surely one that had never known hardship or labor.

Pencharmer cut into a large steak with a sharp knife and gently stabbed a piece with his fork and savored the rich taste before swallowing and asking, "Would you care to get some fresh air?


too many connectives. if you took out the second 'and' then change savored to savouring if would fit in better.

[quote]Victoria blushed red and Avalon looked away sharply, both denying it together with a stern, "No way!"

wouldn't it be a bit rude for Avalon to say 'No way' if he is talking to pencharmer and also about his daughter. pencharmer might have wanted them to like each other- correct me if i'm wrong.

on the other hand I like the dialogue between victoria and avalon when they left the table.

hope to read more soon. :)

Fairy




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Thanks for writing more! If this is short for your standards then your going to think that what I posted is microscopic! It's a lot shorter than this, trust me...
Our happiness here is all vain glory,
This false world is but transitory,
The flesh is weak, the Fiend is slee
Timor mortis conturbat me.
--William Dunbar



No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope