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Same old story

Kalliope · 2007-12-30T15:42:46Z

[Note: I'm not exactly sure where this belongs or if this is any good, so please tell me what you think!] Same old story Boy sees girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. They kiss. They walk together. They talk to each other. They hold each other. They care. Same old story. Her eyes won't open. His ears won't hear. He let's her see beauty. She lets him hear music. Same old story?

StellaThomas

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Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:16 pm

StellaThomas says... · Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:16 pm

I don't usually critique poetry, but I thought this was cute.

Actually, in regard to your first stanza, it bugged me that you didn't put a "girl sees..." oh wait... never mind

. That's clever, I only just worked it out

.

It was a good idea, but I feel you could expand more.

Keep writing!

-Stella.

"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010

Quote

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
— Mitch Hedberg

Same old story

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