"Double Dad" Chapter 12 Draft.

This is a draft, and I expect there to be a million and one problems with it, so feel free...

Chapter 12 Kitty's (to be filled in at a later date)

"Kitty," the voice begged. "Have you seen Corrie?"

At first I thought this caller was a creep who had nothing better to do than to ring people and ask them stupid questions. But when I thought about the tone of voice they had used, I realised it must have been something serious.

It took me a while to figure out who they meant by "Corrie". It has been so long since I had spoken to anyone by that name. The last time I had spoken to a "Corrie" was when I ordered onion rings from Hungry Jacks. She was the blonde twelve year old girl who messed up my order while she was staring at my boyfriend, Mike.

A thought occurred to me as I reminisced. I knew another Corrie. Corrie Monroe. The girl from school.

Corrie Monroe, a girl I had been friends with in the eighth grade. Back then, she was popular. Everyone adored her long, luscious locks of tomato coloured hair, and they would play with it and stroke it as she told her tall tales of what happened to her on the weekend. She was always invited to everything, and I was always by her side, like a puppy dog; a loyal Jack Russell. She seemed to have everything, on the outside at least.

One day, in the year eight to year nine summer holiday period, I received a phone call from Corrie.
"Kitty, I think I might be a lesbian."
I laughed it off, reassuring her that a lesbian couldn't have as many boyfriends in a single year as she had. By the end of the phone call, I had her, and myself, convinced that she was as straight as they come.

But, at a party one day, everyone saw her and Milly Rogers hooking up. Rumours whizzed around until Corrie finally announced to everyone that she was gay.

In the ninth grade, no one spoke to her. None of us wanted to be friends with the lesbian.

And now I was receiving phone calls about her, two years later, before I had even had my morning coffee.

"Corrie Monroe?" I asked the telephone. "No. I haven't seen her in years. Nor do I want to."

And with that, I hung up.

"Kitty," the voice begged. "Have you seen Corrie?"

At first I thought this caller was a creep who had nothing better to do than to ring people and ask them stupid questions. But when I thought about the tone of voice they had used, I realised it must have been something serious.

- Is the voice male or female? It would be easier for the word usage if you decided… although less suspenseful.

It took me a while to figure out who they meant by "Corrie". It has been so long since I had spoken to anyone by that name. The last time I had spoken to a "Corrie" was when I ordered onion rings from Hungry Jacks. She was the blonde twelve year old girl who messed up my order while she was staring at my boyfriend, Mike.

- Twelve? Lol… Child labour laws, my darling. I don’t think a twelve year old is *allowed* to be working. Although if they were, fast food would snap ‘em up. ^^

A thought occurred to me as I reminisced. I knew another Corrie. Corrie Monroe. The girl from school.

- Don’t repeat the name here, since you’re going to use it in the next paragraph. I think if you just said “I knew another Corrie. That one from school.” It will work just as well.

Corrie Monroe, a girl I had been friends with in the eighth grade. Back then, she was popular. Everyone adored her long, luscious locks of tomato coloured hair, and they would play with it and stroke it as she told her tall tales of what happened to her on the weekend. She was always invited to everything, and I was always by her side, like a puppy dog; a loyal Jack Russell. She seemed to have everything, on the outside at least.

- Tomato coloured? … Lol. I find that wonderfully fabulous. She sounds so bitter about it… it’s perfect really…

One day, in the year eight to year nine summer holiday period, I received a phone call from Corrie.

"Kitty, I think I might be a lesbian."

I laughed it off, reassuring her that a lesbian couldn't have as many boyfriends in a single year as she had. By the end of the phone call, I had her, and myself, convinced that she was as straight as they come.

But, at a party one day, everyone saw her and Milly Rogers hooking up. Rumours whizzed around until Corrie finally announced to everyone that she was gay.

In the ninth grade, no one spoke to her. None of us wanted to be friends with the lesbian.

- Curiosity makes me wonder what happened to Milly.

And now I was receiving phone calls about her, two years later, before I had even had my morning coffee.

"Corrie Monroe?" I asked the telephone. "No. I haven't seen her in years. Nor do I want to."

And with that, I hung up.


I like this, quite a bit, Sugar. I think you’ve done well.

Can’t wait to see the next bit.


*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Haha, I'm re-writing this whole story, Pingi, so your crit is pretty much useless.