A Red Button

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A beginning, or perhaps an ending, that's as far as I've been able to get. I wrote this a year ago and have been waiting for inspiration and time to maybe add more...

DO NOT PUSH THE READ BUTTON
She sat on her doorstep, still as a porcelain doll. A dog barked at her as it led its owner down the cobblestone street. Several people passed her by without so much as a glimpse. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Her head drooped, and a pad of paper slipped from her lifeless fingers. The sheets fluttered in the soft wind. The single page with writing on it read:
Dear Reader;
If you are reading this then you know I am dead. I don’t blame anybody but myself. Not that you care, but do remember this if nothing else: DO NOT PUSH THE RED BUTTON.
Winter downpour;
Even the monkey needs a raincoat.
~Basho




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It's a good beginning! I'd love to read more of it, but normally you post more than a paragraph for your story. You can edit your story by looking in the upper right hand corner and pressing the edit button. PM me if you have any questions. :)

Like I said, good beginning. The note seemed kind of forced, and the grammar could be worked on (I suggest E.B. White and William Strunk's Elements of Style), and you can look in the writing tips forum (under community forums) for more tips on specific parts of writing. Best of luck!
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

Got YWS?




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Personally, I wouldn't use caps. They're distracting. You could also add a comma in here:

If you are reading this, then you know I am dead.

You could probably change that and remove the 'if you are reading this' part. Also, I'd prefer if you used a hyphen/dash instead of a colon at the end.

Also, it could be:

The single sheet with writing upon it ...

Also, in the first 'Do not push' you have 'read' button, not 'red button'. Spelling error! ;-)

Also, I would change the "The single page with writing on it read' to a different word instead of read, as you say 'Dear Reader' next, so that's implying they read it. Does that make sense? lol!

Yeah. This review is almost as big as the story. hehehe! ^.^



No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it.
— LCDR Geordi La Forge