Love's Suicide

Love's Suicide

I feel as if I am wasting away,
slowly dying,
part suicide.
It was my choice to love him.
But it's his choice to let me die.
Love's suicide has a new meaning for me now,
but does love's murder exist too?



Kinda stupid and pointless. *shrug* Merry Christmas.
~Yoyo

Cute but....Not Good. Try working On it.alot.

Yooooooohaaaaa!

While I like the topic, and I like the idea of love's murder as well, this needs some work.

You don't have any description here, how does the dying feel, why is it part suicide? I'm interested in the what of it all, if that makes sense, what is happening to the persona. Perhaps describe the crushing blow, the inky nature of the blood. Something that endears us to your persona, and makes us want to care.

Your sentences are short where they don't have to be, and I think you could expand this nicely. It an interesting topic. Go crazy with it and have some fun.

^^ Pm me if you alter this, I'd like to see the end result.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Not great. I felt the ending was a little rushed. And, I like short poems. However, if it was any longer I would have surely disliked it also. It is a double edged sword. Anyway for me, this was a subject overdone and too 'emo' for me. Try again.

Hm, yeah, I know it isn't great. I was mad at the time. I don't write as well when I'm emotional. Sorry my emo-ness came out. XD It made sense at the time though. I'm probably not gonna change it, otherwise it looses it's meaning from the time I wrote it. Ya know? Anyways, thanks.

~Yoyo