A Day's Diamond

A Day's Diamond

A rising light glints at the horizon.
Somehow I know, this day will never end.

Somewhere, in the middle of a distant hailstorm,
Touching the burning wind.
I'm searching for the traces of life.

To think about an immediate end,
Won't it bring regretful strife?

The horizon rains down onto the both of us,
Your proud sword, enveloped by the faraway heavens.
As I looked towards the sky, it seems like a fantasy,
Standing high above eternal bliss.

I hear your thumping heartbeat
Through the burning wind.
My shaking fingers hold onto a silent wish,
Cowering, but wanting to flee from the dark.

Even if your smile fades, I'll accept my fate.
To hear your voice echoing in my hollow mind,
It will revive my pulse.

When your raise your sword of light,
It sends the birds of darkness scattering.
As we turned to take a glance at the sky,
It's a fantasy beyond eternal bliss.

The rising sun rains, singing with the clouds.
as I held the diamond of the day in my eyes.

I'm sorry, but this one does nothing for me. I don't have any questions about your effort, you seemed to be trying, but I felt the effects of a lack of clarity and repeated metaphors, and in the end... meh.

A rising light glints at the horizon.
Somehow I know, this day will never end.

Somewhere, in the middle of a distant hailstorm,
Touching the burning wind.
I'm searching for the traces of life.

To think about an immediate end,
Won't it bring regretful strife?

The horizon rains down onto the both of us,
Your proud sword, enveloped by the faraway heavens.
As I looked towards the sky, it seems like a fantasy,
Standing high above eternal bliss.

I hear your thumping heartbeat
Through the burning wind.
My shaking fingers hold onto a silent wish,
Cowering, but wanting to flee from the dark.

Even if your smile fades, I'll accept my fate.
To hear your voice echoing in my hollow mind,
It will revive my pulse.

When your raise your sword of light,
It sends the birds of darkness scattering.
As we turned to take a glance at the sky,
It's a fantasy beyond eternal bliss.

The rising sun rains, singing with the clouds.
as I held the diamond of the day in my eyes.

What often bothered me was the repetition, I've highlighted the times when description repeats. Now repetition is often a tactic which good poems use in spades, but this is only to establish a theme. In this case, your repeated use of description felt more like you had simply run out of describing words.

-Also, the adjective "burning wind" was bizarre, you could be talking about wind chill, but... were you?
-So was the "horizon rains" this was very wierd, perhaps the light rains, or perhaps the horizon reigns but, I don't really like any of those.
-A rising light cannot "glint" at the horizon. (It doesn't sound right, but the use of the word light implies that it generates it's own, not reflects)

I think you've got an interesting perspective and an interesting subject, but I think you ought to work on your language, and your phrasing. This has good potential, but some of the lines... *shakes head*

Your poem was great and interesting. But, as smorgishborg says, you had repeated some metaphors and it didn't help your poem.

A rising light glints at the horizon.

The horizon rains down onto the both of us,

You could change one word to "skyline"

Touching the burning wind.

Through the burning wind.

You could say either "raging" or "blazing"

Standing high above eternal bliss.

It's a fantasy beyond eternal bliss.

I don't have any alternative word for this, but you could remove one of them.

I really don't see, mistakes, either than the repetition. So, I'll say, correct your mistakes.

Good luck.