Nevermind

~DELETED for a better version elsewhere *see portfolio* ~

Hi,
I just browsed over this and it looks good to me. It's nice to see someone interested in the environment . My only suggestions are:

Although, it actually wasn’t very average at all.
Something about this sentence sounds weird to me. Maybe try to reword it.

The bell rang after what seemed like forever and she left to her next, and last class of the day, science.
I don't think you need the comma after next.

“And what will you do this summer for the environment, Greta?” Ms. Ackerly, the teacher, asked - snapping her out of her reverie.
Maybe: the teacher, Ms. Ackerly, asked snapping her out of her reverie.

But, this wind was no ordinary wind, it grew increasingly powerful and sprayed dirt and debris into her eyes.
But this was no ordinary wind

“What did you do!? What did you do, you lunatic!?”
she yelled or she shrieked.

Both were worn with age, never maintained; not to mention the rest of the town.
never being maintained;

What exactly were the rules for the contest? It might give me a better idea of what I'm looking for. As I said, it looked good to me. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Falcon_Ablaze

Thank you soooo much for critiquing this!

For the contest, the only rules were that it had to stay with the theme "I can make a difference by..." it had to be school appropriate, and it had to be under 2,000 words.

Impressions

-First paragraph: the first sentence is a little prosaic. It doesn't do much to hook the reader. It's also odd when the detached and omniscient narrator contradicts himself/herself--"it was an average summer's day" >> "it actually wasn't average at all."
-"the wind blowing breezily" << odd and redundant
-"But, young Greta Blake did not suspect anything." << The comma in this sentence is unnecessary and interrupts its flow
-"She was at school and it was one of her last days until the summer break." << watch your commas. You need one in any sentence that has two clauses, like there are here: "she was" and "it was." You make this error throughout, though there are less cases of it later. It's not a big deal, just a technical thing.
-Try to avoid the frequent use of "was" and "were," particularly in a narrative. "the sun was beating down her neck" "the air was hot and sticky" "there was a sudden gust of wind" could all be given more powerful verbs.
- "'I am the Wind’s Messenger.' He replied." << A comma should follow "Messenger"
- watch the use of exclamation points. I strongly suggest that you don't pair them up with question marks.
- The story is unique and creative. Learn a few technical and stylistic rules, and you could have a lot of potential.

Thank you for the critique

I'm thinking of buying Strunk and White's Elements of Style because I've heard that it helps with those kinds of things. I'm horrible with punctuaction, and I hope that I can get better by reading that.