To Cameron

I'm sorry, this may have a few cliches in it, and it took me a long time to write. I hope you like this, because it has genuine emotion. Critiques welcome!

Garbed in black, I sit, mute as a rock
Tears cascading silently down my cheeks.
I look at your picture, at your smiling face,
Thinking back on what seems like yesterday.
When all was well, we were running free
It’s cruel, how easily fate rips us apart.
We said “best friends” until the end, but
I didn’t know how soon the end would come.
I look towards the bleak afternoon sky,
With rain pummeling my face like bricks.
I kiss my fingertips and raise them to the heavens
Whispering “I love you”, hopefully you can hear.
As I turn ‘round to leave, the breeze ruffles my hair,
And I swear I can feel your warm embrace.
I can see your smiling face, winking,
And hear the wind sighing, I love you too.

I can tell that you were very emotional during this. Your detachment as you remember is real. I can tell because I've felt similar.

My suggestion is that you expand it. Maybe add a verse about the time you realized your beloved was gone. Did you have any flashbacks during the funeral? What were you thinking about? Really delve into your emotions here. What do you feel now? Do you think you will meet beloved again? Does it feel like a dream- almost as if they weren't really there?

Again, I can tell that this is true emotion, but you need to expand the view. Give us an idea of what beloved was like, and what makes you love him so

Yeah, I was going to say something about "closure" and "good-bye" and "We'll be together again soon", but I didnt want this to sound like an emo "I"m gonna go kill myself now" kinda thing. But thanks. I'll add some stuff soon!

Your work wont sound 'emo' if you do it right. Use this piece to relieve yourself. Get it all off your chest. It probably wont make sense when you first write it, but that's what editing is for . Reveal everything you feel. Everything you remember, and what Beloved meant to you. Sometimes writing it all down helps. :D:D:D:D:D:PM me if you need anything.