Pennies

[Removed]

Hmm... I quite enjoyed that. It was interesting at the start, but I did get a bit bored near the end. I think there should be more conflict or something in the end. Tammy sort of just agreed. She didn't say anything different. I think that could be better.

The idea is sort of fun, and I'm sure your teacher will love it. It's just what teachers love. Sorry I can't be of more help.

Mrs. Tammy Johnson had gotten the idea from a magazine in 1953.

'had gotten' sounds so incredebly ugly to me. But do with it what you want, haha, I just wanted to express my opinion on that.

Why they used to have such a thing as that.

I'm incredebly tempted to put a comma after "why" but even then, the sentence is either missing words, or just a bit too odd. I understand it, but it sounds odd.

This is so lovely... The ending is incredebly lovely. And adore the themes it has, and the meanings. My only complaint is that everything happened so fast, and the beginning was lots of telling. But that, I can tough out, because it worked. More than anything, I wish it had been longer. I wish I knew more about the characters, and got to see them act, and play, and live, and be real people. One I got past the telling, it was lots, and lots of dialogue. It seems to suffer from what everything I write suffers from: thick-script syndrome, haha. Your story is more dialogue than anything, and I would love to see what the room was like, the house, how clean, or dirty, the colors used, the difference between the wife's things, and the husband's things, because it would help bring the characters life.

As wonderful and charming as the theme is (and it is a wonderful story!) without stronger characterization I feel like it is missing something. But it's still good despite that. ^_^ Keep it up, Tri! I think this is the first piece of fiction I've read by you, and it's brilliant.

Nice work

-Kylan