Invader Liz

Invader Liz
by:Maki-Chan



Chapter1
Invader Zil


"Captain's log day 6, erm...Ummm, I think. No maybe its day 8." I spoke into the recorder."Darn you stupid broken calender..." I moaned looking at the broken digital clock that told the date and time.
I scratched my head. Some green skin flakes fell off my head.
"Ummmm...Sir how many days has it been?" I asked.
My personal robot slave sat next to me.
"Yes Sir, it has been exactly 1 month, 4 weeks, 2 days, and 43 minutes." My robot servant told me.
He gave me an army salute. His eyes turned red instead of the usual purple.
I looked over."Ohh... of course, I was just testing your built in calender. You past Sir" I lied.

We had been heading through space, in my favorite red space ship of course, towards the planet My Tallests told me to find its weakness. IT was...ummm...about 2 months ago that The Almighty Tallests appointed me the task.
I am a special invader of the Almight Tallests. After my 75 years of training, and about 10 days after the official Invader planet assigning. I was assigned the Planet Gooshement, home of the Pure energy sea creatures. One of the main enemies of the Irken empire. It is my job to blend in with the natives, find their weakness and report to the Tallests. After that I can help wit the invasion.
I remember the assigning as if it was yesterday.

"Invader..." The Red Tallest said while looking at the clip board."Zil, you are the results of the greats Irken training the universe has to offer."
The Purple Tallest stood next to him chowing down a bag of chips."Yah!" He shouted with a mouth full of chips.
The Purple Tallest splatted chips everywhere when he shouted. The chips covered my face. I gave them an army salute."Thank you my almighty Tallest." I honorable said to them.
"Your welcome, as you already know the Gooshmentians are a prime threat to the Irken grand take over for Invasion 2, and it is your job to take care of them." He commanded me to do.
I nodded."As you know this mission is very important and you can't afford to mess up, or you'll be transferred to the Fast Food Planet #9, to work there for the rest of your days." He finished.
I bowed." You can trust me to take over that filthy planet of those stupid water bags of pure energy. I told them.
"Their doom is just a matter of time." The Red Tallest announced
An evil smile made its way across my face. I began to do an evil laugh."Bwahahahah!Bwahahaha!"
The Tallests began to laugh with me. The purple Tallest dropped his bag of chips and grabbed a donut from the other bag in his hands.
I kept on laughing. The Red Tallest stopped."Alright! That's enough, hurry up and get heading towards Gooshment!" He yelled at me.
I closed my mouth. The only one still laughing was the purple Tallest.
I bowed to them and headed towards the space ships.
"Do not worry my Almight Tallests I will destroy those stupid, filthy lame excuses for aliens." I yelled.

Huh? Is this straight from the storyboard? There's not much to crit, and if it is straight from the storyboard, it's not really your work, right?

Invader Zim
by:Maki-chan
storyboard:Madhatter

The main character is Liz.



Chapter 1
Strange Neighbors

I looked out of my window. This night there were a lot of unusual noises, really loud noises too. Outside of the apartment I lived in was a green house. The green house was in [a used to be empty lot.] <---You may want to find a different way of saying this line. Try 'a lot that was once empty' or something along those lines. It was right in(add a space in between here)front of a fire hydrant. The house had a yard, with a fence outlining it. The yard had lawn gnomes, flamingoes, pucker fish and a flag with earth on it.

"Huh, I don't remember that house being there before." I The word 'oddly' doesn't exactly fit well in this sentence. Try a different adjective or just remove it completely. --->oddly said [s]outloud[/s] aloud.

I decided to go outside for a better look. My apartment is on the [s]1st[/s] first floor, right by the front door. I soon got outside. My uncle was...?? Where's the rest?

Overall, I didn't really like this. Nothing happened and there was very little description that made the reader interested. Try re-writing this, if you haven't already, and include more detail and be sure to proofread over your work before posting so that careless mistakes won't be made. Good luck!

~*Sydney*~

sorry everyone for the delay. Yesterday when I was writing this something wen twrong and only a small portion got down.

I am currently going to redo this, I am going to delete this and do it over again.



sorry for this inconveniouns

If this is the new version...it still lacks everything and ios not really a chapter or an introduction. It doesn't even catch the readers interest. Always telling vague oddities that anyone who has seen Zim will already know, but you copied it in a profoundly ineffective way that only turns people off entirely.

...........................................umm.............ok......I'll try to rewrite it....