(Unnamed) Chapter 1- Part 1

[pre]As you can tell by the subject, this is yet unnamed. Any titles you all think of that would suit this so far would be greatly appreciated!

Chapter 1


Brahn rested his chin on his knees and closed his eyes, letting the cool breeze given off by the ocean in front of him languish over his body. The sound of waves crashing against rocks and the tide rushing onto the sandy beach relaxed his mind and muscles. Around him he could hear the sounds of creatures in the sea, and of the air pushing the waves around. He became unnerved by the constant wails of terror given off by a large school of fish as they were attacked from above. Brahn opened his eyes, releasing the meditation, and looked around for the perpetrators. He spotted them just a mile offshore, too far for him to throw something, but not too far to scare. He pondered on what to do, watching as the birds dove into the waves to grasp at the fish, then fly out as if they hadn't just flown into water. Looking down, he searched for something to use to scare the birds away from their unprotected prey, but found nothing. By Gruthera's tongue, he swore inside his mind, those birds ought to...

"Brahn?" He turned to find a young lady standing behind him. She carried a pair of flat-bottomed ebony slippers, and wore a long black over gown and a silver under gown. Her blond hair was neatly tied back, with a fake ebony rose pinned to it, her face was painted a pale white, slightly accenting her emerald green eyes. "I thought I would find you here. They will start the procession without you, if those legs of yours do not hurry to your place." Brahn looked her over, admiring her figure. After a few moments, he finally stood up and brushed off his breeches, hoping no sand would stick to them. How humiliating it would be to walk into a crowd with sand sticking to your hindquarters, he thought with a grin. "This is hardly the day for inwardly laughter, Brahn Ralahvdar."

"Can a grieving son not show glee, even though he has lost his only parent, Anna?" He asked innocently.

"Not on the day of her funeral! Have you no manners at all?" She retorted, giving him a slight shove with 2 of her fingers. Brahn put a hand on where she had poked him. "And don't call me Anna, its Aneris." Brahn watched as she started walking towards the grassy part of the beach.

"Yes, your majesty." He said with a bow. Brahn almost toppled over as one of Aneris' shoes came flying at him and he moved to dodge it. "My apologies for the mistake on the title, My Lady Aneris" This time, he had no time to dodge the projectile. The slipper was lightweight but hard on the bottom, stinging as it slapped his face.

"Oh, Brahn Ralahvdar! I cannot believe there was once a time I loved you, an irritable gravellar!" She said rudely as she came to collect her shoes. Brahn handed her the shoe that had managed to hit him, injured more by the name she had called him. There was once a time she would not even dream of calling me by that, he thought as she stormed off, I guess times change. He followed her silently to the graveyard, feeling the pain of his mothers death engulfing him. Aneris stopped suddenly in front of the graveyard, sending Brahn to the gravel path as he tried not to run into her. She helped him up, then brushed him off. "Brahn, I apologize for my choice of words. I know it must have hurt you terribly, it was not my intention" As she reached out to put her hand on his arm, Brahn pulled away.

"Irritable gravellars like me do not need pity from those of higher class. This village is nothing but rich high-hats who openly pick on those less fortunate." Brahn did not need to look at Aneris to know his words had hurt her. He stormed off towards the procession, leaving her behind.




Pronounciations:
Brahn: Bran (as in Bran Muffins, or All-Bran)
Aneris: Ann-Air-Ess (Ess pronounced like the letter S)
Gruthera: Grew-There-Ah
Ralahvdar: Ral-Av-Dar
Gravellar: Gravel-Er



Thanks for reading! Part 2 will be coming soon, enjoy!

Just a side note, the titles in paragraph 4 are said to annoy Aneris, hence why they are in italic. She is not actually princess etc, she just acts like it.[/pre]

Just leaving a note here. We've already discussed this on chat. Basically, I like but I think the actions don't really fit the nobelity of the characters unless you can clarify on that a bit more. PM me when part 2 is up.

Okay, so the school of fish in this world emit wails of terror, and apparently Brahn had intentions of protecting the fish, but promptly left the issue alone once Aneris confrontted him. I'd like to know the reason for this. Why did he want to protect the fish, and is there he dismissed the issue?

Also, when he looked down, searching for an object to utilize in scaring off the birds, what did he see? Nothing other than sand?

I'm not an expert of fashion, but what I know regarding gowns is that they are outer-garments. Perhaps you know something that I don't know regarding this issue, but I haven't heard of an undergown before. I've heard of gowns being used with petticoats and underskirts, but that's that first time I've heard of an "outer-gown" being worn over an "under-gown."

I'd like to know how Brahn fell; I assume he lost his footing; perhaps he wasn't paying attention until he was only a few inches from his friend Aneris and noticed that she had abruptly stop by the graveyard.

I liked your story, and I'm looking forward to party 2 I'd like to know more about Brahn and Aneris's relationship and what this procession thing is all about.

Golney wrote:Okay, so the school of fish in this world emit wails of terror, and apparently Brahn had intentions of protecting the fish, but promptly left the issue alone once Aneris confrontted him. I'd like to know the reason for this. Why did he want to protect the fish, and is there he dismissed the issue?

Also, when he looked down, searching for an object to utilize in scaring off the birds, what did he see? Nothing other than sand?

I'm not an expert of fashion, but what I know regarding gowns is that they are outer-garments. Perhaps you know something that I don't know regarding this issue, but I haven't heard of an undergown before. I've heard of gowns being used with petticoats and underskirts, but that's that first time I've heard of an "outer-gown" being worn over an "under-gown."

I'd like to know how Brahn fell; I assume he lost his footing; perhaps he wasn't paying attention until he was only a few inches from his friend Aneris and noticed that she had abruptly stop by the graveyard.

I liked your story, and I'm looking forward to party 2 I'd like to know more about Brahn and Aneris's relationship and what this procession thing is all about.

Thank you for asking me all these questions, I'm sure it will help anyone else who gets confused.

First, Aneris' home is filled with bird ornaments and she has 4 pet birds of different species, so if Brahn were to do something to the birds, who knows what she'd do. And the reason he wants to protect the fish is hidden within the first paragraph. Hopefully with the upcoming parts it will reveal itself why he wanted to hard the birds and protect the fish.

Yes, he only saw sand. That I will have to clarify.

As for the fashion, my knowledge of these over and under gowns come from old Victorian fashion, and some other books I have read. An under gown is a simple lightweight gown that is long than the over gown, so that the dress itself can look two-toned. The over gown is heavy, and is designed to stop i places so that the under gown can show. I chose this type of dress for Aneris to be wearing since she is going to a funeral, and it would be considered rude to wear just an ordinary dress.

Brahn fell because he lost his footing. He was thinking about his mother as he walked, and didn't notice until the last second that Aneris had stopped. He ended up swerving and fell, since he could not grab onto to anything to keep his balance.

As for the Brahn and Aneris relationship. They live in a town by the southern ocean, far away from the capital of the empire, but it was designated "Noble City". All the nobles that the emperor does not favor or doesn't think deserves power among him lives there. Everyone who isn't a noble that lives there is either related to one of the noble families or lives there via grace of the governor.

Brahn and Aneris grew up together in this town. Aneris is related to one of the richest noble families, and Brahn lives there via grace by the governor. Aneris fell in love with Brahn, but as they got older and closer to becoming adults their attitudes deflected eachother and their relationship fell apart. Brahn hides it, but he still has feelings for Aneris.

I hope I clarified!

Thank you for asking me all these questions, I'm sure it will help anyone else who gets confused.

First, Aneris' home is filled with bird ornaments and she has 4 pet birds of different species, so if Brahn were to do something to the birds, who knows what she'd do. And the reason he wants to protect the fish is hidden within the first paragraph. Hopefully with the upcoming parts it will reveal itself why he wanted to hard the birds and protect the fish.

Yes, he only saw sand. That I will have to clarify.

As for the fashion, my knowledge of these over and under gowns come from old Victorian fashion, and some other books I have read. An under gown is a simple lightweight gown that is long than the over gown, so that the dress itself can look two-toned. The over gown is heavy, and is designed to stop i places so that the under gown can show. I chose this type of dress for Aneris to be wearing since she is going to a funeral, and it would be considered rude to wear just an ordinary dress.

Brahn fell because he lost his footing. He was thinking about his mother as he walked, and didn't notice until the last second that Aneris had stopped. He ended up swerving and fell, since he could not grab onto to anything to keep his balance.

As for the Brahn and Aneris relationship. They live in a town by the southern ocean, far away from the capital of the empire, but it was designated "Noble City". All the nobles that the emperor does not favor or doesn't think deserves power among him lives there. Everyone who isn't a noble that lives there is either related to one of the noble families or lives there via grace of the governor.

Brahn and Aneris grew up together in this town. Aneris is related to one of the richest noble families, and Brahn lives there via grace by the governor. Aneris fell in love with Brahn, but as they got older and closer to becoming adults their attitudes deflected eachother and their relationship fell apart. Brahn hides it, but he still has feelings for Aneris.

I hope I clarified!

Yes, you certainly clarified yourself when you stopped and explained what wasn't featured in the story. You don't have to integrate everything you told me into one chunk, nor do you have to give all of that extra information into this piece. Just tell what is necessary so the reader doesn't stumble. Remember that's it preferable not to stop the story and convey details, but to conjuction action with information, so the details are fluid and flow harmoniously with the action of the story.

I think you're doing a good job, and though I'd like to say more, I'm being battered by advertisements and lag (I hate this computer). I'll be looking forward to your next installment