The Sun Chapter 5

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Chapter 5 I'm hungry!

DAY1

Maki and Ren have been walking for hours without eating."Ren...Ren....REN!!!" Maki yelled.
"What!" He yelled back.
"I'm hungry..." She said.
"Then eat the food you packed in you backpack." Ren answered.
Maki became silent."Awww....i already are that food." She said.
"Well too bad..." Ren yelled.
He reached into his back pack to grab himself an apple." Hey wheres my fooo...." He stopped.
Maki was slowly walking away. Ren grabbed her hair before she started to run. "You ate all my food didn't you.." Ren said in the most pissed off tone ever.
" Let GO!! I'm sorry!" Maki screamed while she was struggling.
Ren let go of her but she fell." You brat! What the hell is wrong with you!" He scolded her.
" Now I'm going to starve!"
"I'm sorry!" She begged.
Ren tossed his backpack to the side of the road. He sat down next to it." What are you doing."Maki asked.
He pointed to her." Since you ate all the food you are going to get food." He commanded her.
"What?!? Why would i do that for you?" She yelled.
" Do you want me to teach you to fight?" He asked.
"But how am i going to find food.?" She asked.
Ren tossed her a dagger in its case." You are going to use the land to find food." he answered.
Maki looked at the dagger."Ohhh...alright!" She moaned.
" I'll do it but only so you can teach me!" Maki ran far away from the road.
To the distant long grass plains.

FISH

Maki soon came to a creek with fish in it." Fish seem easy to catch." She thought. Maki walked up to the edge of the creek and watched as the fish swam. Maki crouched down and waited. Then she saw a fish close enough." Now!" She thought. She jumped after the fish and tried to grab it." Yes!" She yelled.
But the fish wasn't in her hands, instead it was a rock in her hands." Dammit." She muttered.

Rabbit

Maki walked away from the creek socking wet. Soon she began to see some rabbits. Maki took out her dagger. The thought of rabbit meat made her mouth water. She began to chase the rabbits. After one went down into its hole Maki chased another one. She kept on doing this till she fell over from exhausted. "DAMMIT!" She screamed.
Birds

Maki soon reached a small treed area. There where so many birds. Maki began to try and catch them. She ran all over the place throwing rock at the birds trying to hit one but after a while all the birds left. She sat down and screamed." GOD DAMMIT!!"

AHHHH!!!!

Maki was so angry that she kicked over a fallen log. She looked down. Under the log was a really long rattle snake." AHHHH!" She screamed.
She grabbed a large stick and began to pound at it. When she was down it was dead. Maki kneeled down and stared at it." Hey food!" She yelled.
She grabbed it and held it in the air showing all her prize." I have caught food!" She screamed.
Maki quickly ran back to Ren with her prize in her hands." I wonder how snake meat tastes?" She wondered.
As she came to the road she could hear something."Ahhh!" Ren screamed. When Maki heard him scream she ran in to the clearing. She soon saw Ren face down on the ground." Ren!" She yelled.
Maki ran to Ren. She bent down to look at him." M...maki....run..a..away." He said in a painful voice.
"No i won't leave you!" Maki informed him.
"hehehe..." A female's voice laughed.
Maki looked up to see 2 female demons. The one that was laughing was a cat demon and the other was a dragon demon." Told ya Hoshi that this would be easy." The cat demon announced.
The dragon demon just looked away, she seemed to be annoyed by the cat demon. Maki looked back down at Ren. Her eyes began to fill with tears."R..r...ren..." She quietly whined.
Last edited by Maki-Chan on Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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First let me start off by saying that although I have not read any of your previous writing, this caught my attention probably due to the good dialogue. I would highly recommended that use a capital I when it is by itself it would help further your writing skills and would possibly allow you to be taken more seriously especially since your writing involves a demon or two although that's a tad hypocritical of me to say as I'm writing about the wizardry in Europe.

Best Of Luck,
-Elitehusky




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you see when I typed this on my computer is when wierd on me and all I became i. wierd huh?

thanks! I haven't been able to continue chapter 6 yet. Thank you for all of the nice comments. :D



The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices; to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejudices can kill, and suspicions can destroy. A thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own.
— Rod Serling, Twilight Zone