The Girl I Met Today

Ok, I know that this isn't the best poem I have written, but I thought that I should write it. It reflects my opinion of a girl. I hope she knows that I am referring to her.

The Girl I Met Today

Beautiful things
Happen to beautiful girls,
She is the girl I met today.

Her actions are clean, powerful and pure.
She helps the needy, and strengthens the weak.
She is the girl I met today.

I love her more than the sun and moon,
And she no doubt feels the same.
She is the girl I met today.

Without her, life can no longer be the same.
I need her, just as she needs me.
She is the girl I met today.

That is soo good!
It really went to the point!

Wow!
You write poetry too? So not fair. Jk!!
Anyways, this was really good. For the sake of the work you put into this, I hope that girl likes you too!
I get the feeling that she does though, so if she does, ignore what I just said

The only thing that bothered me was that you said:

bigbadbear wrote:Her actions are clean, powerful and pure.
She helps the needy, and strengthens the weak.
She is the girl I met today.

That bugs me, just a little. It makes her seem almost too good. But maybe that's just me. ^/^

Good work!

-Ayra

awww! that is really good!

Thank You!

Very good! Your writing shows your emotions, which makes it all the better.

~Spirit.

This is a good example on how adjectives don't really describe anything. Clean, powerful, and pure? What is she? Clorox bleach?

And then there are the ambiguous nouns. Needy? Weak? If you're in the bible, I suppose, these are good descriptions because the beggars are described and you have an idea of who the needy and weak are, in the bible. For a poem in this day and age, there are different types of people who are needy and weak, and for the sake of ambiguity, you must describe! Otherwise, I will assume that your beautiful girl that tends the needy and weak is simply Fiona, a character from Lois Lowry's "The Giver." Which is probably not a good thing.

Instead of using adjectives or ambiguous nouns, describe what she does. For instance, I have this story with this character who is pretty powerless in every respect, she feeds birds. And that's how she helps the needy and weak. This girl probably does something else. And she probably does it in such a way that is completely special, no? So describe how special it is and say what she does! Then we'll get a better clue as to who she is, and the "awwww" factor will increase tenfold.

wow bear, this is awesome. i liked how you got your emotions in this. i see absolutely nothing wrong with this.
it is great.

kim

This is short, so no edits here!

Really good...

better than I've done yet.

I didn't even know you wrote poetry... but as usual, you're awesome.

All three of the stories I've read...

and the one poem are amazingly awesome.

Sweet.

Cool.

Very good.

Beautifully written.

Etc.

Teh Wozzinator

Oh boy.

This is the most stupid poem I've ever written. I wrote it when I [thought] I was in love.

So... yeah. This isn't very great.

Ignore it!

BBB

LUUUUUUVV it!

Hey! I didn't know you did poetry!

I liked this, and the idea of repeating 'she is the girl I met today' was an excellent idea.

This is a great poem, well done! The emotions were really well captured I thought, and it was a fun read. Are you going through some romance phase or what? lol nah, it's all good-good! Havne't we all met a girl and just really liked her?

Keep Writing!

~D'Aedomir~

BigBadBear wrote:Oh boy.

This is the most stupid poem I've ever written. I wrote it when I [thought] I was in love.

So... yeah. This isn't very great.

Ignore it!

BBB

Wait. You got a bunch of really good comments on this...

and you say to ignore it?!

It doesn't have to be true to be good! Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you can't keep this poem...

Whatever, I think this is really good.

Beautiful things
Happen to beautiful girls,
She is the girl I met today.

The last line in this stanza doesn't flow with the first two lines, although I can see that you repeated it throughout the poem. It does work with the rest of the poem, though somewhat clumsy in some of the stanzas. I'll leave that point with you to dwell upon.

i agree! why would you say ignore it when it was soo BEEEUUTIFUL! i wish every guy would do that!(you knwo express his love to the girl he is in love with!) its just so romantic! i really loved this keep it up!

Hey you write good poems!

XD,
Jennie

I don't know why people like this poem so much. It's rather crappily written. I whipped it together in like five minutes....

Whatever, though!

BBB