Retirement

ahahahahahahahahahaha

how about this:

my gag reflex is taking over
because this poem sucks.
i think that you should burn it;
and you will, with any luck.

all the besties,
~abby~

abbisnail wrote:how about this:

my gag reflex is taking over
because this poem sucks.
i think that you should burn it;
and you will, with any luck.

all the besties,
~abby~

Look, there might not be a poet on these forums who doesn't want to tear into one of Incandescence's poems. Unfortunately, you picked one that was actually quite good and entertaining. Your stanza in response was very good too.

About the original poem: Kudos on rhyming "salute" with "poo"...
In particular I enjoyed the POV of this poem, I clearly saw a crotchety, irritable, curmudgeon. (redundant?).

I just wanted a line about golf. Then it would be perfect.

the first thing that caught me was the rarity of someone writing about this topic. everyone always writes about life, death, love, pain, ect ect, until everyone is aching for something new. this is new. this is good.

i feel like it has hidden stanzas after the third one though. maybe one about his marriage and sex life (or lack therefore of) even though you hinted at that in the first stanza. perhaps golf too as smorgishborg suggested.

and i also agree that dispite the fact that there is a great number of us who would love to attack Incandesence's work, we shouldn't go around mindlessly throwing stones at decent poems. abbisnail, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

LMAO, i agree with everyone, but this poem is so funny, it had me laughing. makes me never want to grow up and grow old. lol

no negative comment from me. cant, still laughing.

kim

*snorts*

I'm not sure which was funnier: the poem, or the fact that abbisnail copied one of your tried-and-true snarky methods to criticize your poem.

I like it. It's frothy and fun, which you do well if rarely. ^_^

Shel Silverstein when he gets older, no doubt.

My hips refuse to tango and my balls
refuse salute;

This looked funny to me.

Hehe, this was rather funny. ^.^

Though I wonder;

Incandescence wrote:.
Well, I guess my weight.

Another comma after "guess"? That is quite possibly just how I read it.

Hehe *is still giggling*

*Hearts* Le Penguin.