Warmth

Thanks for all the suggestions. i changed this a lot so please tell me what you think!!! i still need title suggestions as this one is not very good.
Okey Dokey. Still looking for title suggestions. Anybody?

[pre] (Title)

Sitting here
With my baby’s head
On my shoulder,
I listen,
To her
Long
Slow
Breath
And feel it
Two seconds later
On my shoulder
Warm.
And this cat is my
Space heater,

Warm.

And I am no longer alone.

[/pre]

Hmm. You have some pleasant images but it seems a little pointless. Perhaps this would work better if you expanded it to include a story of why the persona is cold? Perhaps he/she has just been outside or not been able to pay the heating bill or fallen in the river? I think it just needs a little more to capture your reader's imagination. Also, here's a quick line by line with suggestions for what you have so far -

Sitting here
With my baby’s head
On my shoulder. [Expand on this. Maybe mention how his/her cheek is warm against the persona's shoulder or how his/her hairs tickle the persona's neck.]
Cat is my
Space heater,
And this laptop
Is warming
My legs. [I'm not sure that I like the term 'space heater' because it seems quite out of place. Maybe you could use something like blanket or hot water bottle? Also, go into further detail again. About the laptop perhaps - mention how it's the left over energy that is transferred to heat and warms the persona's legs.]
Fleece blanket
Traps the natural
Heat of my feet. [This seems a little fragmented. Maybe 'a fleece blanket...' would work better?]
Fire
Emits a comfortable glow [I think you could add more imagery here too. Something stronger than comforting.]
And now,
I am warm. [I quite like this as an ending. Very simple and yet quite effective.]

In general, I think this piece has potential and with a bit of work it could be very interesting but at the moment it seems more like a few thoughts written down on the page. Let me know if you do a re-write and want someone to take a look at it. I hope this helps,

Heather xx

So you're not sure you like this? I love it! I also love warmth.

The line about your cat being a space heater is especially gorgeous, but the effect is somewhat ruined by the next line, which sounds too scientific for this poem. Other than that, I agree with kitty's idea of going deeper. Really, you don't need much, because this peom is beautiful as is. But maybe you could incorporate a one-liner that hints at an underlying theme. Is the baby yours? Is it your first child? Are you a single mother, a teen mother? Something like that would tie the poem together.

Great job! I liked this a lot!

I agree with Heather in that it seemed a little pointless--an exercise in description, if nothing else. It's fantastic that you can talk about things that are making the speaker warm or happy, but more depth is needed. For instance, the baby. That's a good point to go off of. You can incorporate the surroundings in a poem that focuses more on the baby.

Why is the baby important to the speaker? The answer might seem obvious, but the poem could subtly reveal something about the speaker's feelings about the baby.
Is the baby asleep? Awake? Quiet? Crying?
Why are the surroundings, the objects making the speaker warm, important?
Why was the speaker cold in the first place?
Does warmth = happiness or does happiness come from more than that?

Just a few questions for you to consider--ask yourself a lot of questions about what's going on in your poem and it can often reveal things for you to improve. You need to really get into the poem, get to know it, before you can write it seriously.

Regarding the title, "Warmth" seems a bit obvious. It's not a crime to make the subject of your piece also its poem, but I perceive it as a little childish. You might use it to tell something about the piece, i.e. where the speaker was before he/she became warm..."After Sledding" (don't use that, it's a dorky example title), you get the idea.

Good luck!
-Colleen

Wait... what is a space heater?

But that's not the point! I think that the cat and the laptop are not that important to the poem... I like the mother and child part much better. The other part merely confuses. So I would probably delete the stanza:

And this cat is my
Space heater,
And this laptop
Emits its electric heat,
Warm.

That way, it'll be much prettier and much more concise. And we love concise poems!

ok, i'll take out the part about the laptop but NOT the cat. the cat must stay!!! =] thanks for the input though.