Ballet studio

It’s a place where my heart and soul spill onto the floors. Where my mind, body and spirit are drowned in every move I make. This place is where my entire being escapes from the reality that I face. Where everything is forgotten and I focus entirely and completely on what I’m doing in the present. In definition it’s a “studio”, a ballet school. A place where people share a common passion for one thing. Never though will anyone understand the strong passion I share for what I do within those walls. A large open room where everything has a meaning. Windows fill the far side of the room where the panes are the canvas for my cities unpredictable weather. Weather being the determining factor for what the mood of the room may be. Sun being the undeniable fact that saying “It’s hot” is an understatement. Rain trying to over take the sound of the music that ricochets off the walls and a blue sky day without either sun or rain being somewhat of a blessing. But whatever Mother Nature decides to grant us with we still have one mission and it will always be to dance. The Barres on one wall supports us for perfecting some of the many things we need to know. Hardwood floors cover the surface where are feet glide and sweep across the room. Mirrors cover another wall where they reflect our days work. The scent of hard work lingers throughout the air. This place has more meaning to me then my own self can comprehend. My body rushes with an uncontrollable love that I share for this place and what I do here and for the people that surround me when I enter. Whether I enter with a frown, or an uncertain face, I always leave with a smile. It’s a place where I don’t mind doing the work, where I don’t mind pushing myself to an extreme. Where suffering the next day just proves that I’ve danced my heart out. This place has taught me that my own being has the ability push itself and I can have greater love for something than even my own self can’t understand. Everything has a meaning here, from the grain in the hardwood floors to the people who dance upon it. Whether I’m pushing myself to keep my cramped foot pointed or moving my body in what seems to be a natural pattern, this place will always be with me.

This was really nice. If I knew nothing about ballet, (if... I used to take it 6 days a week for three years) I'm pretty sure I'd be imagine just what the studio was like.

I suggest spacing out your paragraphs, making it much easier to read.

But it was very nice. (I think it is good to end thing with a compliment.)

Oh, and welcome to YWS! I will probably be of no help to you, but hey, I do what I can, so you can ask questions... heh.

Toodles!

-Emily

welcome to YWS
your story was very good and detailed. as mentioned above tho, space your writning, it will flow alot easier, and keep the reader going to the end.
awesome job.

kim

Oh my goodness! I can so relate! I'm a ballet dancer myself.

I have a few suggestions --the only main one being that you space out your paragraphs more, like HurricaneEmily said. Below is your piece with my changes and suggestions.

Bold = note change.
[s]Strikethrough [/s]= delete.
Underline = add.
Italic = a comment of mine.

II3orn2dance wrote:[s]It’s[/s] A ballet studio is a place where my heart and soul spill onto the floors. Where my mind, body and spirit are drowned in every move I make. This place [<--find a different word, you used "place" in the first sentence] is where my entire being escapes from the reality that I face. Where everything is forgotten and I focus entirely and completely on what I’m doing in the present.

In definition it’s a “studio,” a ballet school. A place where people share a common passion for one thing. Never though will anyone understand the strong passion I share for what I do within those walls. [s]A large open room where everything has a meaning.[/s] [<--I don't think that sentence is necessary] Windows fill the far side of the room where the panes are the canvas for my city's unpredictable weather, weather being the determining factor for what the mood of the room may be. Sun being the undeniable fact that saying “It’s hot” is an understatement. [<-- It might just be me, but this sentence didn't really make much sense. Try rewording] Rain trying to over take the sound of the music that ricochets off the walls and a blue sky day without either sun or rain being somewhat of a blessing. But whatever Mother Nature decides to grant us with we still have one mission and it will always be to dance.

The Barres on one wall support[s]s [/s]us while we perfect[s]ing some of[/s] the many things we need to know. Hardwood floors cover the surface where our[<--spelling] feet glide and sweep across the room. Mirrors cover another wall [s]where they[/s] reflecting our [s]days[/s] work. The scent of hard work lingers throughout the air. This place has more meaning to me then my own self can comprehend. My body rushes with an uncontrollable love that I share for this place and what I do here and for the people that surround me when I enter.

Whether I enter with a frown, or an uncertain face, I always leave with a smile. It’s a place where I don’t mind doing the work, where I don’t mind pushing myself to an extreme. Where suffering the next day just proves that I’ve danced my heart out. This place has taught me that my own being has the ability push itself and I can have greater love for something than even my own self can’t understand. [<--you used "than even my own self can understand" earlier, try a rephrase]

Everything has a meaning here, from the grain in the hardwood floor[s]s[/s] to the people who dance upon it. Whether I’m pushing myself to keep my cramped foot pointed or moving my body in what seems to be a natural pattern, this place will always be with me.

Very nice overall! And again, I can sooo relate.

Please feel free to PM me if you have questions/comments!

See you around, and welcome to the YWS!!!
~Azila~