Partners in Crime

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 142
We go together like
shotguns and regret,
sitting in the shadows playing Russian Roulette.

We go together like
bitter hate and fire,
cause and effect: the dialect of your desire.

[Chorus]
Lay low, draw the blinds, and
you're the mastermind, but
I know you'll be kind to me.
Sweet dreams, my love, sleep well,
for we'll both wake up in Hell.
You're so cute when you're sanguinary.
[/Chorus]

Another night I
could have spent alone,
counting the minutes to infinity, way back at home.

Here in the dark, it's
easier to see.
This wonderfully edgy life is crying out for me.

[Chorus]
Lay low, draw the blinds, and
you're the mastermind, but
I'm sure you'll be kind to me.
You run, and I'll follow,
we'll hide from tomorrow,
but you're just so cute when you're sanguinary.
[/chorus]

Who needs remorse
when midnight covers your secrets?
I'll never tell-
it's a promise and I'll keep it.

[Chorus]
Lay low, draw the blinds, and
you're the mastermind, but
I know you'll be kind to me.
We're wanted everywhere, but
I don't really care 'cause
you're just so cute when you're sanguinary.
[/Chorus]
I think you're crazy, maybe.




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Gender Female
Points 1609
Reviews 602
Wow!
That was really good! I've reviewed some of your other poetry, and by now I've come to recognize your style.
You're one of the few people [on YWS] who can actually make a good rhyming poem (most of them are prap).
I can't find anything at all wrong with the structure and wording/grammar. The only thing I noticed was that some of the sentences at the end of a stanza sounded a tad stiff, but maybe that's just me.
Keep writing poetry,
.:Ayra:.
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


Would you like a review?
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic73903.html




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 96
Rock on, mate! When I was reading this the band Nirvana came to my mind. I don't know why.



Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers.
— Yevgeny Yevtushenko