Poem

When I woke up this morning
walked into the bathroom
looked into the mirror
there wasn't
anyone
there.
Softly the dream crept back
and my skin folded over
itself.
What I wanted wasn't there
What I wept for wasn't looking back.
Looking down I dove from the window sill
and in the pools of rain shifting over concrete
I saw my face before my body
hit.

hmm, not bad.
I like how it doesn't rhyme (you have no idea how bad some of the rhyming poems are on YWS).
By the way, Welcome to YWS!
You can call me Ayra, but it aint my real name PM me if you have any questions and I'll answer them as best as I can ^^
Anyways, here's your poem review:
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LIKED:
1. I loved this line:
"and in the pools of rain shifting over concrete"
<<I'm not sure why, but it has a certain ring to it, you know?
2. The rhythm was good, but I suggest that you separate it into stanzas. It would just make it more easy to read.
3. "Looking down I dove from the window sill
and in the pools of rain shifting over concrete
I saw my face before my body
hit."
Love those phrases! I think it's really enigmatic how she sees herself only before she dies. It's just really neat ^^
COULD IMPROVE:
1. "Looking down I dove from the window"
That seems a little erratic; why would they dive from the window? I know poetry isn't always meant to be understanable, but still...it seems almost emo, the way she just decided to commit suicide....
2. It's a little short, and I think you should add some more imagery. The ending was good [with the rainy concrte and all] but in the beginning I would suggest showing a little what the room was like.
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All in all, it's a neat little poem. I think with a bit of work it could be really amazing. Already most of the lines are exceptionally well-written. Keep working,
Ayra
P.s. Please don't take my little nit-picks and comments too harshly!