Little Samurai

Ling fell back into the dirt… yet again. His instructor loomed over him, furious that he had put up such a weak defense.

“How can you show such a lack of commitment?!” Master Chi boomed. “Soon, you will bring disgrace not only to yourself, but to your family!” He visibly trembled with rage now. Everyone slowly moved away hoping that Chi’s attention would stay focused on Ling. It did.

“But Master, I am trying my hardest,” Ling started. “It is just that everyone is so much stronger than me…”

“That is NO excuse! Just because you are smaller doesn’t mean that you can afford to be weaker. If this had been a real battle you would be dead right now!”

Here it comes, thought Ling.

“For your lack of diligence you will be required to clean out the latrine every day for two weeks!” Chi continued, still booming.

I think that all he can manage is a boom, Ling mused, laughing to himself. It took him a second to realize that the other students were laughing too, but at him! At least my blushing cannot show through my fur. A small blessing, but at least it was one. The instructor soon realized that the students were laughing too, and at whom.

“At what are you lot snickering at?” he inquired softly. The softness surprised everyone, including Ling. Never had he talked in anything lower than a boom. Yet somehow the low voice brought across more menace than his loudness could ever do. All of the students stopped laughing immediately. Complete silence held dominance over the room. “All of you are disgraces for making fun of a fellow samurai-in-training. I bet that your ancestors are roaring with rage at the dishonor you show Ling. Yes, he is an incompetent…” Ling flinched quite visibly. “…but that is no reason to disgrace yourselves by further humiliating him. Everyone run ten laps!” They all groaned softly.

At least he is back to booming, Ling thought. His low voice scared me. As he started to head to the track with the others, Chi held him back. Oh no, what now?

“Ling,” Chi began, “I want you to run twelve, to build stamina. And after that you can start on those latrines.” Ling started to say something but thought better of it.

I will only get into more trouble and get more things heaped on my head, he thought as he jogged towards the track. His white and black fur ruffled as he began to pick up speed, as well as his pants and shirt. I guess I’ll just have to try harder for my father, the Emperor, and for the greater good of the great Panda Empire.

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I cannot believe that the son and heir of the Emperor is such a bad swordsman, Chi thought, running his paw through the fur on his head. The Emperor is an excellent swordsman and he’s so big too. His son is practically the size of a two-year-old cub. But how can I help him? Chi scratched his massive head as he pondered this problem. Suddenly it hit him like a gong. I know! I’ll have Yong teach him! Satisfied that his problem was solved, he left to go find Yong.

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Ling stood before Master Yong is confusion. He had never seen this master before, but he had heard of his reputation.

He’s supposed to be the greatest samurai in the land and he’s going to teach me?! Ling thought. Everyone must think I am a great failure if they think I need to have the greatest samurai in the Panda Empire to teach me. Just then Master Yong stood up and it was all Ling could do to keep himself from staring. Oh great ancestors, he’s shorter than I am! And so it was. Ling, who stood at shoulder height to most other pandas, stood a good head over Master Yong. How did he get so good when he’s so tiny? I always thought that short pandas like me could never be good samurai, let alone the greatest in all of the Empire! Ling felt a great confidence begin to swell inside of him. Well if he can do it, so can I. And with that he stepped up to the Master and started listening to his instructions.

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Master Yong watched in amusement as young Ling drew in confidence after he had seen his new master’s height.

He is realizing that size isn’t everything, Yong mused. Good. That will make training easier. When Ling stepped towards him, Yong began his instructions.

“You are here because you are small. Swinging around a sword like an ape doesn’t work for you and you different training from your peers.” Yong relaxed slightly as he watched Ling laugh silently at the ape reference. Good. So he has a sense of humor. It wasn’t beat out of him.

“You shall train with me from now on and only me,” Yong continued. “You do not need to do anything the other masters tell you to do in regards to training. However, you will do everything that I say. We will work on your speed and dodging skills, as well as thrusts. These will give you the upper-hand in battle with bigger opponents… as they have given me.” Ling looked positively excited. “Now, we shall begin with thrusts. This is the upper thrust…” And so began Ling’s training. The training that would make him one of the best swordsman in the Empire.

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Chi lost control of his jaw as Ling defeated his sixth opponent in a row.

It has only been a year! he thought, astonished. How could he have gotten that good in a year! Chi then looked over at the Emperor and Master Yong talking. Ah… that is how. His bloodline gave him great potential and he had a great teacher, one of the best, to show him how to use that potential. Chi decided to join those crowded around Ling and congratulate him. After all, he obviously deserves it.

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Ling wiped dirt out of his eyes with one paw, smiling, as everyone started to congratulate him. Him! Even Master Chi was among the crowd surrounding him, pounding his back with a giant paw.

Then the Emperor stepped in front of him. Dropping to the ground and bowing so that his forehead touched the ground, Ling wondered what his father would say to him.

I wonder if he will congratulate me too, or if he will tell me that I need more work? Maybe something else? Just then, his father, Emperor Xi spoke.

“You have done exceedingly well,” the Emperor began. As Ling started to stammer his thanks, his father held up his paw for silence. “Let me finish. I believe that you will make a great samurai. In fact, after talking to your Master, I have to let you become part of my Imperial Guard.” Ling was practically glowing. The Imperial Guard! That was the highest post a samurai could ever achieve!

“Thank you, Emperor,” Ling said, his voice choked. “I can only hope that I can live up to your expectations.”

“See that you do. I expect you to report to the head of the Guard first thing in the morning. You have done very well… my son.” And with that the Emperor left. Ling was stunned.

He just complimented me… and called me son! He couldn’t believe it. I wonder what will happen to me next? Well, whatever it is I will be ready for it. He then turned and left to put his belongings into his new quarters.

The whole thing about pandas was a nice twist. I like it!

Pretty good. It seems a little stale to me though. Nothing really stands out about this story. Overall, it's good, but more of the same.

Hm. What I first noticed is that your story sounds suspiciously like Mulan... Ling... Ping... :D Your names sound Chinese, not Japanese. I suggest you research the ways and history of the Samurai, as it will help your story.

It's difficult to tell what your creatures are. At first I was thinking people, but now I'm thinking... Redwall...

You're internal dialogue is pretty good, and we get to know your character pretty well. But (I hate that word) we don't know where this is taking place. I assume Japan, but then there weren't furry creatures becoming samurai. :D:D A few details and a history would be good. :D:D
That's all I can think of at the moment. Keep writing Storm!

I agree with SeraphTree. Your names do sound Chinese. I know a website that can help you out with that though. It's called: http://nine.frenchboys.net/index.php

It has some really useful name generators and it has a Japanese name generator for males AND females. Pretty cool huh? Other than that, I like your story and your characters. All you need to do is give them a fitting Japanese name and all will be good.

Keep writing,
FlyingDream

hahaha I know where you got this story from!!! Warcraft, the pandaren race right? Anyway, I liked the twist on the whole smaurai thing but you need to read over your story again to weed out grammatical mistakes. To enjoy this story requires an appreciation for the warcraft series, if not one will not get the seemingy wrong historical references of chinese names in a japanese context. Other than that, I though it was a job well doen and I look forward to coming chapters!

Unrealistic and a bit awkward. Wrong names and very stale. Not getting the warcraft reference or any in jokes, I think that this is rather...plain. The story flows pretty well and has good dialogue, but the accuracy of the social systems and the way in which you present it needs work bad.

sorry but I have to agree to what everybody says.

when basing a story around a concpt that already exist gather information and try out and see if you can find any variation that go to your liking.

you have a lot of options but one of the things that you must do
is

1.lose the lame jokes

2.stop ripping of warcraft

3.(this is optional) probobly drop the samurai story alibi. you can have a warrior tale without it have to be samurai because if you make up your own warrior class you won't have to worry about making misconceptions

sorry to burst your bubbles but I have never played Warcraft and therefore have no idea what you are talking about

Storm--try to take the ignorant comments in stride.

My first impression of your story was decent. It needs work, as all pieces do, but I did enjoy it. You could add detail in places, such as clues to history and setting, in order to give your story some depth to your story that it currently lacks.

As stated by the others, you need to get your setting straight. You seem to have blended China and Japan together into a single culture, definitely a no-no.

Your critics seem to have gotten the wrong idea about your story by a single person's assumption, which bothers me greatly. Like I said, try to ignore the ignorance. Keep it up--go back and edit, working through grammatical mistakes and such, and go through and add little details immerse the reader into the story.

--Dono