Golden Locket.

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This is a very, very short piece I wrote for Jennafina's contest. It doesn't have a point or real storyline. It's meant to be a paint-able scene.

__________

She fingered the golden locket. The engraved words stung her eyes. It was too soon- it hurt too much for her to hold her mothers jewellery.
Always And Forever
The words glinted in the little light that was coming from the window. The summer sun was just rising, sending pinks and oranges across the bedroom floor. Her blonde curls fell across her face, hiding her red, inflamed eyes that had endured sleepless nights and torrents of tears. Her petite body shook with silent sobs. Her mothers voice filled her ears; words of comfort, words of advice.

“Move on, Emily. Look after yourself. Sleep. Eat.”

“I can’t!” Emily bawled, raising her fist, the delicate locket dangling from it. Her cheeks shone with tears, her blue eyes contrasting with the crimson rings around them. “I can’t without you.”
She threw herself down onto the brown duvet and the locket fell next to her. The catch unhooked and the locket lay open. Darkness engulfed the rest of the room, rays of light catching random colours only.
Emily lay staring at the beautiful picture of her mother and father. She was alone completely now, in a house she couldn’t afford to keep, with a baby she couldn’t look after.
“Please come back,” whispered Emily. “Please.”

The sun rose on a girl with blonde tresses, fast asleep, clutching a golden locket.
Sanity is for the unimaginative.

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wow. that's really good. there was a very strong feeling of helplessness that even the reader could feel. Even though this piece was short, i got a good sense of what could have happened, what still can happen, etc. it would be cool if you expanded on it.i would definitely read it =]
cross the wall? nobody crosses the wall!
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I liked it, very interesting. It does show the feeling of utter and complete hoplesness the character is feeling.

The last snetance didnt sit too well with me, i dont know why. Perhaps change it about a bit. The whole sunshine on a person is a bit over done in my opinion.

But like i said it is good.

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George: look at what?
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I liked it!

It was too soon- it hurt too much for her to hold her mothers jewellery.


Mothers = mother's


Her mothers voice filled her ears; words of comfort, words of advice.


Mothers = mother's

Very pretty, and hope it goes well in the contest! :D
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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Nice. I really liked it. I just think that there could be a bit more emotion, I didn't really feel sorry for the girl.

But if it's supposed to be a paintable scene, then I guess it's description that counts, and not emotion and stuff.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*



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