Under The Wooden Floor

My mother told me to right this story about her dream. As you know dreams are wacky and really hard to follow so I edited it and I think its a little easier to follow now.
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Atop of a big green hill there was a house. This house was a big house. There where over 35 rooms. Its was enormous. In this house there lived a family. A mother Margaret, a father Phred and there child Juliet. They also had two dogs. Roxy and Bubba.

One night Margaret and Phred where downstairs in the living room reading the paper and drinking tea. Juliet was busy exploring the many rooms. For they had just moved in 4 days ago. She had counted 4 bathrooms on the first floor and 6 on the second she had not quite made it to the third yet.
She was on her way towards her parents room. It was big and spacious. There lay a bed in the middle or the room against the wall with a bedside table on each side. There was a light pink door that lead to a bathroom, and a small hallway that led to there office. In this office there where many windows and bookshelves lined with dusty old novels and what seemed to be bibles and dictionaries. For her father collected books. She turned her gaze to the small table that was draped with a baby blue table cloth. She followed the beautiful cloth down to the hard wooden floor below. Her eyes fell onto a pink tail around the size of 4 pencils. She lifted the cloth to see a rat! She leapt back and almost fell over. She cautiously tiptoed back over to the rat and examined it carefully. It looked dead... Oh deer, I must find some way to get rid of it. But how... Should I pick it up? she thought to herself. Yes that seemed right she was going to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can.

She ran downstairs and grabbed a broom and a dustpan from the closet and before anyone could notice she ran up back up the stares and into the room. She tiptoed down the hallway and into the office. There she found the rat standing upright on two paws. It wore a clean black vest and some blue jeans. She opened her eyes wide with shock as the rat began to speak "Hello there!"
"H-hi" Juliet said before dropping her things and taking a big step back.
The small clicks of her two dogs toes nails on the wooden floor could be herd approaching.
"You have dogs?" He asked enthusiastically.
"Yes, Roxy and Bubba" She replied.
"Oh can I see them? Please!" He cried.
"Sure... I just need a minute to let this all sink in." She breathed wearily before plopping down on the couch.
Before she new it Roxy had jumped down a whole in the floor and the rat had vanished! She jumped up and screamed down the hole "Roxy! Roxy! Come back!"
After a few short seconds there came a small voice "Hello! Please come down!"
And up came mother rat. She was dressed in an apron and she held a wooden spoon in her left paw. "Please come down!" she said happily.
Juliet did not know what to do. So she decided to follow the rat down under the floor. Bubba trailed happily along behind her.

Once they reached the bottom she looked around. The baby rat and Roxy where siting at the table drinking warm milk and eating freshly baked cookies.
Bubba jumped into one of the seats and plunged into the cookies happily.
"Come sit down" The mother rat said.
Juliet sat down next to Roxy and took a cookie for herself.
She looked around curiously before savouring another bit of the delicious cookie. The house was beautiful the kitchen was organized and clean and there was a stove a dish washer and a fridge.
"You've got a very nice house" She said feeling a little better.
"Oh, thank you!" The mother replied before patting Bubba on the head.
A few minutes later she heard footsteps above. Oh oh! Her father was coming. He was yelling "Juliet? Juliet!"
"I'm here father!" She yelled back.
Seconds later he stuck his head down the hole and fell in.
He got up and walked towards the table and with-ought another word he sat down and began to eat.
Another voice broke the silence as the father rat came thumping in.
"Who are these people and what are they doing eating tonight food?" He said grumpily.
"There just getting a little snack before the party" The mother aid calmly.
The dad sat down and the doorbell rang. The baby rat was the first up and he scurried over to the door and pulled it open. Millions and millions of rats pored in the door. They where all dressed up and they all came over to greet every one.
Then they all danced the night away! The rat dance!

THE END

This is a good story though sometimes I didnt understand. Like for instance how big was the rats if Juliet could sit at their table with her dog? Obviously they were large but you could have told the reader that in the story.

Just be careful with your spelling though.

It was a really good story though and apart from some parts you explained it really well with the vocabulary you used. keep up the good work!!!

This is a really cute story. It reminds me of a book on mice I read a while back ago. Anyways, I have a few suggestions. The way your wrote this was a bit info-dumpy your descriptions were a bit drawn out and it seemed more like you heard this from a storyteller and wrote it down word for word. Try to add more descriptions and refrain from telling. The point is to show the audience as much as possible what is happening instead of telling them all about certain things in a paragraph. It's the difference between, "She likes muffins." and "She ran wildly across the room toward the muffin cart, throwing every muffin from blueberry to banana nut to her open mouth." Lol, bad example but you get the point I hope.

Anyways, once again this was a very cute idea and the plot was very nice just work on your characters a little. Tell us a little more about the heroine. Does she argue with her siblings? Does she have a good relationship with her father? Does she prefer one of her dogs over the other? Along with that try to work on her reaction to the rats, too, it's a bit unbelievable even for fantasy. Try to examine her emotions upon meeting the rats? Is she disgusted? Horrified? Does she think she's gone mad? I don't know....so tell us!

Anyways, good story you just need to work on the execution a bit.

Thanks

Yeah, definitely work on some of your spelling and grammar. I liked this though, it gave me a pretty good image inside my head, at least of the rat's position and what they were doing. I didn't have much of an idea of their surroundings though. More area description perhaps?

V^o^V

Atop of a big green hill there was a house. This house was a big house. There where over 35 rooms. Its was enormous. In this house there lived a family. A mother Margaret, a father Phred and there child Juliet. They also had two dogs. Roxy and Bubba.

This sounds too much like "this is Jane. See Jane run." We don't need to know how many rooms there are in the house; we already know that it's huge. You don't need to reemphisize.

One night Margaret and Phred where downstairs in the living room reading the paper and drinking tea. Juliet was busy exploring the many rooms. For they had just moved in 4 days ago. She had counted 4 bathrooms on the first floor and 6 on the second she had not quite made it to the third yet.

She was on her way towards her parents room. It was big and spacious. There lay a bed in the middle or the room against the wall with a bedside table on each side. There was a light pink door that lead to a bathroom, and a small hallway that led to there office. In this office there where many windows and bookshelves lined with dusty old novels and what seemed to be bibles and dictionaries. For her father collected books. She turned her gaze to the small table that was draped with a baby blue table cloth. She followed the beautiful cloth down to the hard wooden floor below. Her eyes fell onto a pink tail around the size of 4 pencils. She lifted the cloth to see a rat! She leapt back and almost fell over. She cautiously tiptoed back over to the rat and examined it carefully. It looked dead... Oh deer, I must find some way to get rid of it. But how... Should I pick it up? she thought to herself. Yes that seemed right she was going to pick it up and throw it in the garbage can

This sounds like a 'once upon a time' theme. It's hard to feel for your character, because... well, we don't know very much about here. Why should we care if there's a dead rat?
deer= dear*you need this one.

Hmm. It seems to be too random at the moment. There are so many characters introduced, and since there really is no main character, it's hard to get a grasp on the situation. We need more spacing and details. Why was the rat suddenly alive? What does the house look like? Why isn't her father angry. You know, this, but how are WE supposed to know?

That's all I have. Keep writing mon ami!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

One thing I forgot to mention.... This sounds a lot like Alice in Wonderland
***I^o^I***

I totally agree with you!