Remembering (2007)

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1064
Reviews 30
NOTES: Well I wanted to write something for Remembrance day...it didn't come as easily as normally...and it sounds a bit abstract and weird...? Any Comments/Suggestions/Words of praise/Rants of criticism are appreciated! =)

---

Remembering (2007)
by Plus-One


"The land on which this cemetery stands is the free gift of the Belgian people for the perpetual resting place of the allied armies who fell in the war of 1914 - 1918 and are honoured here."

---

Row after row of uniform headstones sit there watching, waiting for the day.

The clear autumn sunlight reflects off the gleaming marble. The trees shed golden leaves through the crisp morning air. The soldiers stare aimlessly up at the clear blue skies.

But it’s still just a graveyard.

The memorial’s seen better days, when the newly carved stone was smooth and unstained, when flowers were placed on each and every mound.

People remembered, and respected; their lives meant something.

Now the cemetery remains empty, occasionally tour groups wander their way through the troops, in vague hope of finding some relative they’ve never met.

“Their names liveth forever.”

Yet each day, they remain there, undisturbed, always remembering.

Never do they question what their sacrifice was for, or if it was in vain, and yet they lie there, forgotten by most; until one day each year.

Thousands gather to remember their deeds, to celebrate the saviour of millions of lives in trade for their own; in the silent sea of red poppies.

It’s more than just a graveyard. It’s a sign of courage, an assurance of freedom, and a beacon of hope.

---

"Never was so much, owed by so many, to so few."
Last edited by Plus-One on Sat Nov 10, 2007 11:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Nostalgia's just not what it used to be..."




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1395
Reviews 565
Wow. That was powerfully written.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 6235
Reviews 2631
I think it was a very kind thought. And I love the use of the quotes. Especially the second, it's one of my favourite quotes. As for criticisms, I think it was well written. It makes a good point, it's respectful and it's thought provoking. A few minor changes you could make -

People remembered, and respected, their lives meant something. [I'd suggest a semi colon after respected rather than a comma.]

“Their name liveth forever”. [The fullstop needs to be inside the speech and shouldn't it be names rather than name?]

Other than that, you could add more description or expand on it but to be honest I think it's fine as it is so congratulations on a lovely piece of writing.
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7241
Reviews 721
This is a very well written and touching little piece.

I could only find a few things that could use changing...

Plus-One wrote:Row after row of uniform headstones, sit there watching, waiting for the day.

Delete the first comma, it's not needed.

Plus-One wrote:The clear autumn sunlight reflects off the gleaming marble. The trees shed golden leaves through the crisp autumn air.

I suggest you do something about the repetition of "autumn"

Plus-One wrote:Now the cemetery remains empty, occasionally tour groups wander their way through the troops, in vague hope of finding some relative they’ve never met.

Just say "is empty" And maybe something like "Now the cemetery is empty, save occasional tour groups wandering their way through the troops, in the vague hope of finding some relative they’ve never met."

I love the last line, but I think that the reference to poppies is a bit out of place. Maybe try mentioning them earlier on as well?

Like Kitty said, the quotes are used very well. Good job!

One question: Who said the quotes? ...Just wondering.

Very nice piece overall, keep it up!

~Azila~



I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.
— Margaret Atwood